Garth Brooks sings “There’s a ship out, on the ocean, at the mercy of the sea. It’s been tossed about, lost and broken, wandering aimlessly… and God somehow you know that ship is me.”
That’s me… I’m the ship. I’m the one at sea and the rudder is stuck with a hurricane heading straight at me.
Things have reached a serious point of stupidity. Stupidity that, not only do I have no tolerance for, but I don’t have the time to fix it either.
It is truly amazing how much better I sleep on nights that I don’t have to get up and go to work. Unfortunately I don’t do a very good job getting to sleep half the time but at least I manage 8 hours on those nights and I can tell it’s been a better sleep.
I have had an incredibly bad week and I’m weighing ALL my options. I can no longer keep waiting for employers to get organized and figure out what they’re doing. Stress is taking its toll on me. It’s affecting my sleep, my back and my general well-being. I’m finding I’m sliding into a depression after suffering much over the years and always managing to pull myself out.
Over the last week or so I haven’t even been able to write again and my journal entries are repetitive and short. I’m no longer identifying my emotions or solutions or anything.
Even the teaching is starting to exhaust me… maybe it’s simply related to two 12 1/2 days a week or maybe it’s actually related to the job stress decreasing my sleep and making me grumpy!
I have been trying to use my oils to keep me in balance and keep my mood elevated. I have increased my Vitamin D as well. I have even been turning to chocolate!
I do hope that my next post brings something more positive. Either I’m writing again, or something has caved in! In just over two weeks is my next procedure and I really don’t want to be in this state going into that… the anxiety from that is enough!
I need to go sit and do some marking… focus on the career I do like! Try to forget about the one that’s adding a dimension of misery to my life.