I’m Just Not Happy…

Tags

1 year, busy, Christmas, Christmas movies, christmas season, Creative Writing, disappointment, disillusioned, growth, joy, maturing, movies, music, NaNoWriMo, new job, no regrets, spiritual transformation, surgery, upset, work, Writing

I have been busy, yes, too busy to even come up with a blog post.  Too busy and too overwhelmed to come up with a blog post.

And incredibly disappointed.  In myself, in the new job, and, in some ways, the world in general.

I should write about it!

As anyone who has been following this blog knows, I was incredibly unhappy at the old job.  And I actually have NO regrets whatsoever in leaving.  I miss it because it was my home for more than 12 years but I don’t miss the stuff!

I knew going out that the new job was likely not to be my final stop but I didn’t think that a month in I’d be as disillusioned as I am already.  And maybe it’s completely related to being told on day 2 that the entire office needs to be packed up for painting and then not being given enough time to unpack it and doing training on top of it all which meant less time to unpack and organize.  Out of only 15 shifts I have had a trainee with me for 7! I never really got the chance to settle in… oh, and now we’re getting new furniture which means that at some point in the very near future, everything has to be packed up, again!  I also haven’t adapted to the new schedule yet either.

So I’m starting to open my job post emails again though I haven’t applied for anything, yet.  I really thought I could just coast through the rest of the year at least before I ramped up the search.  I have to admit, I do miss the challenges of family practice.  In whatever I do, I also need to make sure I have free time and hours to offer the wellness studio.

So starting Thursday is NaNoWriMo!  Let’s see if I can not only get off my butt and write every day but that I can find, deep in the recesses of my brain, a story to tell!  There’s not much there right now!

The other awesome, exciting thing is that Christmas movies start on Thursday on W Channel here in Canada… tonight on Hallmark in the US.  Just in case anyone needed to know that!  So this Thursday, since it’s one of my days off, my intention is to have W on all day and just bask in the movies and the messages they send.  I am going to miss that this year… it was one of the upsides of my surgery last year even though it didn’t happen until the 16th of November.

I am so excited about the movies starting this year because it has made me realize that despite my surgery last year and the circumstances around that, it was a very special Christmas.  Being off (yes, post-surgical pain and the subsequent repercussions included), allowed me to bask in the season… my favourite season.  I had visitors, I was surrounded by my Christmas decorations.  I could listen to my Christmas music and watch the movies.

I recorded about a dozen of them and I have been watching them… they have been grounding me almost… and with the endings, yes, as predictable as they are, I am usually in tears… that’s how much the messages are getting to me.

It has been a long, tough year, almost 2 years and I’m seeing things in much different light than I did… hopefully that’s as much a part of maturing as it is growth.  Spiritual growth even though the waist is growing a bit too.  I can feel the change and, when I’m at peace, I’m enjoying it immensely.

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And for starters…

Tags

emotions, happiness, happy, heatwave, hurricane, melancholy, movies, sequels, storms, story, storylines, time, tornado, Writing

why did my computer restart yesterday and I was logged out of EVERYTHING?  I’ve had to log back into sites that I haven’t logged into in, well, forever!

Okay, so now that that’s off my chest… it’s hot here!  It has reached 30 degrees the last several days.  I, personally, am loving it because I hate the cold and, frankly, you can’t have everything!

After everything I have gone through this year I think my wanting to be happy is the least I could ask for.  Of course I’m not there yet.  The specialist’s appointment is on October 11th.  Just over 2 weeks away now.

I’ve been trying to write.  I’m working on a “sequel” to a movie that I fell in love with many, many years ago.  Of course I’m changing character names and the year and some of the storyline but it’s one of those movies I found on DVD and still watch almost 30 years later.  It’s one of those movies where you always wonder what happened to them after that night because they’re so young and have their lives ahead of them.

It’s worth a shot anyway.  Maybe it will be one of the many that will remain always and forever on my unpublished shelf but I will have satisfied my curiosity!

The storm at work has not settled either.  I will bring news on that when I have it.

I really do feel like I’m in the eye of a tornado and I just keep swirling around and around sometimes even feeling sick.  Up until just now I always felt I was on that ship that was tossed about in the midst of a hurricane.  Maybe the tornado is a better comparison.  I don’t really know.

Every emotion is jumbled with the next.  Every time I want to move forward, I end up backing up.  Every time I want some peace and quiet the storm gets louder.

I wonder if and when it will ever end.  I have a wedding to go to next Saturday.  That will instill a little hope, I hope.

After that, it’s Oktoberfest here and that always makes me melancholy as well.  I think because I used to be out there.  I used to love going and I haven’t been in such a long, long time.  It’s like everything.  Every good thing seems to come to an end.