“Happy” Easter!

Tags

bring home work, death, Easter, hope, Life, life goes on, reading, surgical procedures, trying to write, Writing

The first holidays after a death in the family are always difficult.  Easter was my great-grandmother’s favourite.  Grandma, I think, loved them all.  My favourite is Christmas.  There’s something about the season that draws me in and lifts my spirits and my hopes.

I can’t believe we said goodbye to my grandma only 2 weeks ago.

So here we are, now, at Easter.  A day that is supposed to bring hope around the world.  We will have a family dinner later today.

It’s amazing how life just keeps on going.  Whether you come out of the hospital doors after having a surgical procedure or you walk out of a nursing home after your grandmother has died and everything and everyone else is carrying on as usual while your life seems like it has come to a screeching halt.

Then you are expected to catch up to that world and carry on with it meanwhile your heart and your mind are left behind.

I had to bring home a folder full of referrals that needed to be done because I was 4 days behind and I could NOT find the time to get them done.  So now they are done and tomorrow morning I can put the phone on hold (or change the answering machine message to say we will be open at 2:15) and go in and print them and fax them.  That doesn’t totally catch me up but it gets me a lot closer!

I continue to journal as it seems to be the only way to try and identify my thoughts and feelings.  It’s interesting that I seem to only be able to do that when I’m alone.  I know that, with great excitement, that he got all the cancer cells out!  Those margins were clear.  I went back and had another look (because I remember seeing something… you know that nagging feeling) and he did leave some of the pre-cancerous cells at the margins.  Uncertain as to what he will suggest but I might get to go through all of this again… but at least I know the horrible monster cells are gone.

I tried writing the last couple of days… even if it’s a bit of an autobiography.  I didn’t really care, I just wanted to dip my toes in.  I actually took a look at 2 of my sequels, well, as far as I had managed to get when I stopped.  The Mystery in the Attic was left at page 123 and the third installment, the book to follow Confessions in the Mural, sits at only 14 pages.  I’m hoping that by reading one or the other that it will stimulate my brain into writing again.

Well, it is Easter, that time of hope… so maybe this time, I can get my mind back into writing.

So I wish you all a safe, Happy Easter wherever you are and wherever you are going today.

Lessons in…

Tags

bumps on the way, lessons, Life, love, politics, Romance, teaching, Writing

Life?
Love?
Politics?

We move through the days and weeks, the months and the years and we learn lessons that we aren’t always conscious of.

It’s amazing how certain things help you to put issues into perspective.

This past Wednesday I taught my first class.  Despite being nervous as hell, I pulled it off.  I have a good group of eager students and it felt great to be back in the classroom again after all these years in this capacity.  Sure, there have been plenty of bumps along the way… that always happens.

Now I face the unknown before I’m back in the classroom.  Less than two months ago I went to the doctor for routine stuff and Tuesday morning I have to have a procedure that will likely consist of a biopsy.  So please at least cross your fingers for me.  As a nurse in family practice I have referred dozens for this and more than 90% come back okay.  My mind keeps straying from one outcome to the opposite outcome completely because, as an author, there is always the what-if?

It’s always there.  Once that is done, I will head back into the classroom and hopefully have just as strong a performance.

That’s life for you!

As for politics… well, we had a lesson this week and each will take our own thoughts to our graves!

Lastly, love… well, it is what it is.  I will continue to write, when I can get back to it, and there will always be romance!  It is what gets us through our days and those moments when we need the most support.

I have been in an incredible amount of pain since Wednesday.  I hope that it’s not a side effect of teaching but a result of the stress that I have been carrying around.  Between the teaching and  the procedure, I could probably be a string on a violin or guitar!  I go to the chiropractor on Wednesday morning so hopefully he will be able to resolve some of my issues because the main stresses will then be gone and it will be a waiting game for the pathology report.

So, fingers crossed.  I have to pack up and go now but wanted to get a post put up quickly before I leave.

 

Doing What I Can…

Tags

Confessions in the Mural, different things, happiness, Life, near death experiences, new things, stress, what we want, worry, Writing

I sat down Sunday morning to write my blog post and I just couldn’t.  I didn’t know what to write.

I feel like my life has been turned upside down with all that has happened.  I’m still trying to figure out which end is up and how I get back to being upright!

And through it all, I have felt so incredibly lonely and lost.  I mentioned to someone that it’s like the stories you hear from those who have had near-death experiences–that they realize there’s more to life than what they’ve been living… work and constant stress.  That there should be happiness.  Most of us can’t have that because we can’t afford that!

I had already realized that I want different things, NEW things; things that make me happy rather than fulfill a need (but we all need a certain amount of that don’t we?).

I have been in the same job for ten years.  For many, that’s unheard of!  I am proud of myself for that accomplishment but I keep having that unsettled feeling.

I have talked about what I want multiple times here.  I have talked about how much more difficult it is to make the change.

I hate that I am as nervous about all the possible changes as I am.  I wish I was one of those people who could take everything in stride and let it roll off my shoulders.  I’m just not.  I wasn’t born that way.

When I have a job interview I think of all the things down the road, like how I would tell my boss.  Never mind whether I actually get a job offer or not!  I worry way too much, way more than I should and probably way more than is healthy.

But I haven’t had time to do so many things lately.  My eight hour days are turning into ten hour days and I’m tired all the time.

I can’t even focus on writing!  So what I’m going to do is start working on the edits for Confessions in the Mural and see, once and for all, if I can swing my head back around.  I got it out on Sunday and haven’t had a chance to even look at it.

I will keep you posted!

I’m done…

Tags

Algonquin Park, camp nurse, communication, I'm done, Life, life lessons, life lessons into writing, marriage, reading is escape, real life into writing, reality, verbal abuse

I was young when I met the man I later married.  I was naive.  We all are at one point in time.  We got married and I never really noticed there were issues until my daughter was born.  When I was told, twice, that I wanted her, in her first six months of life I wondered how and if this was going to work.

Three and a half years later, I kicked him out.  He had become verbally abusive and controlling.  It wasn’t until I spent the summer of 2001 in the middle of Algonquin Park as camp nurse that I realized what was happening.  I was able to look in on the situation.  In early January 2002 I ended it.

It’s difficult for me, even now, to trust and not fear that someone might start to take advantage in the same way.  I don’t want to end up there again.  Sure, communication is key with the right person.  The wrong person won’t want to hear it.

We all have life experiences and we all add those things, or in my case subtract them, to our writing.  We can’t help it.  In my writing, I don’t want my characters to be abusive.  People read to escape.  If they wanted reality they’d watch the news.

What happens when something similar is happening all over again?  And what happens when it’s someone you thought you could trust?

I know I have been sharing a fare bit of unhappiness lately and it just keeps getting worse instead of better.  I’ve been putting off the inevitable for over a year.  It’s unfortunate that it’s the time of year that it is.

Anyway, I thought I might be able to hang in there but I think it’s time for me to revisit Algonquin Park.  I’m sorry this is cryptic, it is what it is but, right now, I need it to be!

It’s Game Time!

Tags

ACLS, baseball, Christmas, flu shots, Life, mini-memoir, negativity, stress, time to write, Toronto Blue Jays, vacation, vacation over, work, Writing, writing found

We now move forward to the Championship series!  Toronto plays Cleveland and, obviously I hope we win.  In fact, based on all the booing that was going on when the Jays were introduced just now, I hope we crush them!!  I also hope we sweep the win again.  It’s so stressful!

As for the writing… I found it!

What was lost has now been found.  It got mixed in with my daughter’s school papers.

I think she planned that.  I don’t think she wanted mom working on the mini-memoir.

But I am extremely unhappy from the perspective that my vacation is OVER.

In three days I go back to work.  I have had an awesome week between the writing and the day trip and being able to sleep in.

I know I have the weekend to go yet and my daughter is going to the trailer with my parents so I can continue on through the weekend but still.  Now I won’t get any extra days off until Christmas.

Then I don’t know how long it will be until I take vacation days again.

Then I will really start to feel the stress building up.  The inability to write except Wednesdays and weekends.  The feeling of being trapped, basically, into a work week.  The lack of energy I feel at the end of a work day.

Okay, I’m going to shake off the negative thoughts and just be for the next couple of days yet.

Oh yeah, and when I get back, it will be the kick-off to flu shot season… Great!  Just what I needed!

Sorry to cut this short but it’s game time!

Play ball!

Change is in the air…

Tags

back to school, backstory, challenge, change, character backstory, character development, characters, Creative Writing, Life, life experience, milestones, Writing

Reminds me of that old song Love is in the Air by don’t-ask-me-who!  Same tune going through my head.

I know I wrote last week about my emotional breakdown on the verge of my daughter starting college and that still holds true.  How can we not be sad but happy about the milestones of life?  They happen to each of us from when we are born and say our first words to taking our first steps.  Then some of us go to preschool, others not, but then there is school.  Kindergarten, grades one through eight, then we venture off to high school.  We decide what we want to be (sometimes), we go on our first date.  We often experience our first kiss and then we graduate.  We move on to higher level education (sometimes) or full-time jobs.

All are milestones and all create the base for who we become.

Tomorrow my baby takes her first steps into that post-secondary education.  I hope she likes it.  I hope she enjoys what she’s learning and it comes easily to her.  After last year, she deserves that!  It’s going to be tough because she will be adjusting to that, she’ll be adjusting schedules so she can still see her pony and she’ll be needing part-time work–or a few more lesson hours.  All of this in a very short time frame.

She’s going to meet new people and try to find the balance between her old friends, her barn friends and the new friends.  I think that will be incredibly difficult for her because she has such a huge heart.  She wants all these friends in her life.  I didn’t have that really because my boyfriend was also friends with my high school best friend.  The rest of my high school friends ended up going their separate ways.  We are all connected now on Facebook but how many years did that take?  My college friends were pretty well merely that.

So wherever you are and whether you have kids or not, know that tomorrow is a big day for hundreds of thousands of kids around the globe.

And if you feel like it, write a bit about your own milestones.  What makes you the person you are today.  Maybe you don’t want to but just think how awesome a backstory it would give one of your future characters!

Life Goes On…

Tags

Creative Writing, death, death of a pet, emotions, fueling writing, lessons, Life, life goes on, life lessons, price jumps, ups and downs, Writing

It was a TV show and a song but holds true for many of us as we struggle through the ups and downs of life.

On Thursday evening, after a 4 month battle we lost one of our guinea pigs… Boo.  She was diagnosed with TMJ in February and given pain killers and an anti-inflammatory.  We almost lost her until the nurse in me did some research and discovered that it was okay to give a guinea pig (like most animals) aspirin.  I even found the dose.  We started giving it to her twice a day and she thrived!  She gained weight, she was squeaking again… a happy piggy!  Then her top teeth started growing backwards but we noticed too late.  We were going to try to trim them but just this past week she seemed to get very sick.  She lost a ton of weight and after we managed to get one of the teeth out, she passed away later in the evening.

My daughter was devastated but so was I… I had been the one administering meds twice a day for a long time and got quite attached to that gray and white little one.  And many have, and will, say that they are “just rodents” but then they have likely never had a small animal as a pet.

So we went from the high of prom a week ago to the loss of a pet.  Life goes on and it’s not fair.

I also managed to get nothing done!  I need ink cartridges for my printer before I can print camp signs so Wednesday I went to Staples to get them and had to pick my jaw off the floor!  I know it was fall when I bought them last but they jumped in price by $20!!! Yes, that deserves all those exclamation points!

I was shocked!  So I decided to use 123 ink cartridges after all.  I know I got the off-brand but they were $41.99… I didn’t even look at the brand name cost… after that price jump they don’t deserve my business!  Of course shipping is free after $49 so I got a cartridge for my rarely used laser printer as I had to shake the cartridge with the last use.  All together, including tax was $12 less than what I would have paid at Staples… but I have to wait for them to arrive.

I tell you all this because as writers, life really does go on.  But it’s also life going on that feeds us what we need to be writers.  Whether I write the story of losing that guinea pig or I write fiction using the feelings from that loss doesn’t matter but it has fed my writing.  Same goes for the high of prom and the frustrations of $20 price jumps!  All of those emotions, whether good or bad, fuel what we write.

There is a lesson in all of it! (Now if only I could remember that when I get frustrated with other things!)

Change

Tags

bad change, change, Creative Writing, everything changing, good change, house, Life, memories, time, time passing, Writing

Change is inevitable in life.  We don’t really have a choice.  Well, maybe.  I did watch an episode of Castle where the key witness had actually spent 30 years living in the 70s.

But for most of us, we have to roll with the punches as the old adage goes and I’m finding that really hard right now.

Do I speak for all of us when I say that the change a person decides to make is more tolerable?

As you are fully aware, I have chosen to take on the challenge of finding another job… whether that is in healthcare or not has yet to be decided and I have applied for jobs in both healthcare and writing.  I’m comfortable in that decision.

I drove past my great-grandmother’s house this morning to see a yellow city sign on it saying that an application has been submitted for rezoning, etc.  I cried.

My great-grandmother died when I was fourteen.  I spent many, many hours in that house.  I had sleepovers there.  I helped pick apples and plums and beans and tomatoes and cucumbers.  There was rhubarb that I was allowed to eat with white or brown sugar.  I helped with baking on Saturday mornings.  My great-grandmother knew everything.

When she died and my grandmother had to move out of the house and sell it I knew I would never again walk the rooms.  Never again would I help do laundry with the ringer-washer.  But the fact is that it was still there, even if it was a student residence.

Life is so full of change right now.  My daughter is graduating high school next month and embarking on a new challenge in life.  Some things will stay the same but most will not.  As time speeds towards prom next Friday night I see the little girl she was mixed with the young woman she has become.

So much change and just one little me.  I’m teary a lot of the time and that sign on that house this morning pushed it over the edge.

It also made me realize how much more I want out of life but that poses the question how do I change it?

So some change is acceptable, other change is not.  I’m trying to handle it but it’s just not working out very well for me right now.

It’s Not Fair…

Tags

blogging, bottom of the pile, climbing out, Creative Writing, digging out, Life, life not fair, platform, The Writing on the Wall, Writing

Maybe this will be another rant or maybe it won’t.  I posted it on Facebook as an “observation”.

In yesterday’s newspaper there was an article about how the City of Kitchener during WWI became such because it was originally named Berlin because the majority of settlers were German way back.  So someone has written a fictional play about it and how something like that could lead to murder.  So they were making a big to-do about this.

In 2011 I wrote a novel that was set in present day but solved a mystery from around the time when the Town of Waterloo (which is right next to Kitchener and we are often referred to as Kitchener-Waterloo and/or K-W) was changed to the City of Waterloo.  Not as drastic by far as a complete name change but nothing was ever said about it.

Rebecca has just bought the big old house she dreamed of owning as a child and, while redecorating, discovers writing on the wall under wallpaper that’s more than six decades old. The writing on the wall leads her on a journey to romance, tragedy and a mystery from another time, bringing the past into the present and danger onto her doorstep and to those around her.

So my question is… how do some people constantly get recognition and yet those of us (which is most of us) who have tried desperately to do things can’t seem to get anywhere?

I know that life isn’t fair, generally speaking, and that we weren’t put here to glide through life (though some seem to have that luxury as well) but it would be nice, once in a while to catch a break.

This isn’t what I was planning my blog post to be about today!

I wasn’t sure what I was going to share but that article, as you can tell, really got under my skin.

Every couple of months I go off to Chapters to buy the latest writing magazines: Writer’s Digest, The Writer and Poet’s & Writers.  They all offer great information and I read them, almost, cover to cover depending on the content because some things don’t pertain to me.  I also use a lot of what I read to enhance my writing programs that I can’t seem to find enough students to even teach it.

But they’re not very good at telling most of us at the bottom of the pile how to dig ourselves out of it.  How do we push ourselves to the top?

We all have a platform (I assume and if you don’t, you should get on that) of some kind even if it’s just a Twitter account.  From that platform we do our best to gather followers so we have a larger reach.  We get all that but like Writer’s Digest article on Blogging to Success, there are two million blog posts per DAY!!

Phew!!

Well, I’ll go grab my shovel, and you grab yours, and together we’ll start digging our way out!

A Fresh Month, a Clean Slate?

Tags

article writing, articles, challenge, clean slate, experience, fresh month, future, Ideas, Life, life experience, life regrets, listing, past, planning, regrets, Writing

Wouldn’t it be wonderful, sometimes, if we could just forget about all the things that have happened in the past and just look to the future?  I know that we are told constantly that we cannot dwell on the past as we cannot change it… it’s very true but, as humans, we not only retain that information but we can also regret some of it.

I regret much!  Most of it has been packed away in its own little cubicle and I have made peace with it.  It’s about all I can do!

So we have made it to March and hopefully things (mainly the weather) are looking up.  I am resigning from this second job effective the end of the month.  Much has happened there and this is one of those regrets!  I’m going to return to having the additional time to focus on mundane activities pertaining to writing–editing, planning, teaching and, of course, writing!

I can’t remember if I have mentioned it before but I’d like to start a website based on my medical background–I just have to find out what I can and cannot do.  So that’s one of the challenges I would like to take on in addition to writing–of course it is writing as I would be providing medical articles!

I have also been evaluating all the things I could do based on my years of writing and my years in medicine and my sixteen-and-a-half years of parenting, mostly single parenting!  All of these can be transformed into articles and I’m beginning to see that much more clearly now.

My focus has honed inward–perhaps it’s one of the few positives I will take away from this part-time job that I regret–it turned that focus for me.  It altered my thinking and forced me to reach into my brain and start listing all of the topics I have experience in and, therefore, be able to write about!

I challenge you to do the same!  Make a list of all your life experiences and then break that down further into topics!

Happy listing!