A Long Weekend…

Tags

blog posts, busy life, roller coaster, teaching, ups and downs, writer's block, Writing

and I can’t find a single thing to write.

It’s been a tough few weeks with the pathology & MRI results coming in and not being the best.  I go over it my head and I have so many questions.  I think I have more questions than answers and I don’t like it!

And it’s, once again, a case where it’s blocked my ability to write.  I am even struggling with this post.

How do I change my thinking so I can focus on some writing because I most certainly need the distraction!

How many posts have I put up about pushing through?  I TEACH writer’s block!  ARGH!

This last week had a few ups… on Monday I was asked by the college if I would teach Transcription on Thursdays.  I said yes and the form was sent to me and I signed it back.  Then on Tuesday I got another email asking if I would be willing to take on another class… on Tuesdays for the next level of what I’m teaching now!  It runs from May 16 to August 24.  I guess I’m at home all summer!

I’m going to be pushing it for sure teaching two 12-hour days those days.  Thankfully my day off is in the middle.  The great thing (or it should be) is that I will be taking vacation time in there so it won’t be a constant push for 14 weeks.

The only thing I’m worried about is my next procedure/surgery and the date it will fall on and the restrictions.  Missing teaching is not ideal.  I have the ability to move a class or two but I’d prefer not to.

So much is happening in my life that are at both ends of the spectrum.  I feel like I’m on the worlds largest/tallest roller coaster.  One minute I’m at the tip top and the next second I’m under the ground searching for the light.

Do you ever reach the point when there has been so much change that you just want to forget all of it?  You just feel like if there’s one more little thing it might just cause you to make that left turn into the path of an oncoming transport truck? That you want to tell everyone where to go because you really just want to be left alone with all those racing thoughts wondering about next steps and how many decisions you have to make and will you make the right ones?

That’s pretty much me at this point.  I don’t want to be alone but I have been anyway. Besides, finding people who are willing to just take me in my current state and listen to my feelings, has been a tough undertaking!

So I’m a mess!  But hey!  I managed a blog post after all!  That’s probably one of the keys to breaking down that writer’s block!

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I missed another one!

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aging, better with age?, blog posts, characters, Creative Writing, finding time, Lack of time, Stephen King, The Writer, Writing

I can only ask myself if I’m EVER going to get back into the full swing of blogging on Sunday mornings!  I was doing so well for so long… how come it’s always something and once it’s broken there’s no repairing it?

I feel the same way about my writing… I get into a groove and then something steps in and stops that and the whole thing falls apart.  I can’t get back to it.  It’s almost impossible.

So tonight I went to Chapters.  Needed to see if there were any new writing magazines on the rack and, sure enough, a new copy of The Writer is out.  While I was looking at that and at the shelves for writing books, this kid started screaming!!  Top of its lungs, blood-curdling, curl-your-toes screaming!!!  Put-earplugs-in-and-run-for-the-door screaming!!!

Do you get the idea yet?

It actually sends shivers down my spine thinking about it.  I tried really hard to make my way to the back of the store anyway and as I neared it stopped… a hush fell over the store and I proceeded through the discount books… only to hear it start up again!  I’d had enough.  I had also managed to find a writing book that actually has a CD with it… I’m intrigued… and I went to check out.

Yes, I lodged my own form of a complaint.  I said that I couldn’t take it any longer and was in need of leaving.  That my daughter is now 18 (birthday yesterday!) and I don’t have to listen to that anymore.  Also added a plug that perhaps the parent should consider leaving.  My thought, though not spoken, was that a staff person should have been gently asking this person to remove their child.  That this is a bookstore, similar to a library where loud noises are not acceptable.

There’s no way I’m muting my phone next time I go in there!  Deal with the insignificant chimes indicating text messages!

Am I getting old?  I always feel that way around my own birthday which is a mere eleven days after my daughter’s.  In the New Year I become hopeful; around my birthday, I become nostalgic.  I look back on what was and, despite not being able to change it, wish I could.

I’ve been talking a lot lately about characters and it makes me wonder why we don’t see a lot of middle-aged characters out there.  Do you notice that?  To write a novel about where we have been and how that shapes us moving forward might be frowned upon but publishers but maybe readers would like that.

We always want to re-evaluate where we’ve been and what we’ve done.  We always want to move forward better and feel more meaning in our lives.  We all want to make a difference.  Some of us don’t want to be the next Stephen King but close!  Maybe not a household name but an-every-other-household-name.

I’m glad I at least got this post together and posted.  I am feeling the lack of writing time again.  It’s coming out in the form of agitation… again.

Christmas Busy…

Tags

blog posts, change, Christmas, house cleaning, joy, spiritual transformation, time for me, trade-off, writing career, writing time

As as writer, I find there’s always a trade-off… either my house gets cleaned, OR my blog gets updated.  In this case I either get ready for Christmas OR I sit down and start editing (or writing, whichever I feel the need to do).  I don’t think my daughter would be too thrilled if I kept writing and never bought gifts, or wrapped them!

So once again I’m always torn.  I guess that’s why Sunday mornings work fairly well at updating my blog.  It’s time for me even though this morning I have wrapped gifts, edited an article, wrapped gifts and here I am!

This time of year always brings feelings of joy for me.  The feeling that my writing career could take off on angel’s wings and soar to heights previously unknown.  I feel that way about several things at this time of year and yet there seems to be a time in January when everything just bottoms out and I’m left feeling like the muddy mat at the front door!  And I haven’t figured out yet what it is… the positive energy that surrounds us at Christmas–everyone is feeling the spirit?  Or is it the spirit lifting our hearts to the season?

I understand that at this time of year, whether we know it or not, we undergo a bit of a spiritual transformation and it’s whether you follow through with it or not that makes it (or breaks it).  This year I want to carry it through.  This coming year I want something, anything to happen!  In September things were on an upward spiral, but since starting that second job, that spiral turned upside down!  I lost touch with everything all because I worked too many hours a week to allow time for my writing career to fit in.

I want things to change for the better in 2015 so I’m going to do all I can to make that happen!!  But I’m not making a resolution–I’ve only ever followed through on one of those!  We’ll touch on that more next week!

So unless I do manage to find the time Wednesday (Christmas Eve) to put up a post, I wish you all a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays.