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Since I finished Hysterectomies & You and have nothing to do but wait for my third (and hopefully final) proof copy to show up I have been in the writing department, again.

I believe that my work situation is a huge contributing factor.  For a third of this year I was able to leave work at work and focus on relaxing and writing at home.  With the in-competencies going on at work more and more I have found my stress levels reaching the point where taking a stress leave might be the only way out.  However, that would require me to use our Federal Government-based Employment Insurance program which would do me little-to-no good.  For starters, living off of 55% of my salary would not pay the rent AND they would deduct, dollar for dollar, what I make from teaching in a month which would be absolutely NO help to me.

So you can see the dilemma I’m facing.  I continue to go to a job I hate every day because there are few other choices.  Although it has occurred to me that with my teaching pay, I could go into a full-time retail position and remain viable.

I have chugged along through much more of Life Coaching (since I can’t write, learn) and this last section (which I managed in the last 24 hours) has been interesting… especially the parts I did today.  It’s asking what the problem is because we get caught up in the details.  We all get caught up in details.  So my mind has been working on defining what the problem is rather than all the complaints.  The biggest issue, I believe, is the incompetence.  This isn’t just with patient care but with paperwork and referrals as well.  Much of what is going out is coming back incomplete.  For 11 years I worked diligently to provide everything a referral required in order to get an appointment for a patient.  Despite most offices not knowing that I was the one writing the referrals not the doctor, it still makes me feel horrible that this is now the state of things.

The biggest issue, with incompetence, is the patients who fall between the cracks.  The patients who don’t follow-up because they assume we will contact them and then we don’t or we can’t.  Or delayed referrals are slowing down a process.

As previously stated, my biggest struggle is not truly knowing what I want to do to pay the bills.  Because so much of my life has become about writing and essential oils and now life coaching, I feel myself even less inclined to move on to another nursing position.  I have applied for jobs where I feel that more of my facets would be valued.

This coming week should bring answers to a few questions as we near the four-week mark on a submission of The Trinket Box I made and the notification date for a short memoir I submitted to a contest.

I feel like my entire life, at this moment, is suspended in time and place.  I am having difficulties focusing and moving forward because I feel SOOOOO incredibly overwhelmed that I start reading something and I zone out.  I’m struggling with even the idea of “one thing at a time” because all I wish for is clarity.  Some answers to questions.

Knowledge is power and I feel like I know nothing therefore I am powerless.