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Yesterday I had the intense feeling to write.  This is a first in a very long time!  I don’t even remember how long.  I published book number ten on January 1st this year.  In the months leading up to that I was editing.

I have tried to get started again but have had a lot of false starts.

I have been journalling a lot lately trying to mourn and and process and digest.  That, for me, has helped some but not entirely.  I think I’m getting there but, of course, have a long way to go.

Work is not easy.  As much as I tried to open my mind, it’s not so easy when you are mourning losses in life including your boss retiring.

So I suddenly wanted to write yesterday and I didn’t. have. time.  That seems to be my unwanted mantra of late.  And it also seems that everyone has forgotten that writing is my thing to do.  They suck away more and more of my time like it’s nothing.

Then this morning I was enjoying my weekly Funds for Writers and came across a residency that I’m interested in applying to.  I’ve never applied to anything like that before so I’m trying to figure out where to start.  I may have to go back and try to remember how I applied to the Sustainable Arts Foundation grants in the past.  Then not do that since I clearly failed!

I don’t have very long either… May 31 is the deadline.  The first thing I have felt excited about in a while

One of the many things I have actually been thinking about has been where I go from here.  I realize that I will likely have to change jobs because even if I can see things changing and calming down at work I also can’t decide if I want to continue in health care or venture from the norm and find something else to do. Something else that will use my vast knowledge and make me happy which family health care has not for a few years.

One thing must happen at a time and I’m at a crossroads because I really do need my vacation so do I want to start something new in the middle of summer?

I find it difficult to accept things when they happen because I hate feeling out of control.  Maybe that’s mostly related to not having a lot of control over so many things for so long now.

Faith…

I’m trying to have faith!

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