Thursday I got an email notification that Netflix had added a movie I might be interested in… the movie was Parenthood!  That movie was awesome!  Maybe some of you disagree but I’m not here to argue likes and dislikes.  Having raised a teenager in the time since that movie came out in 1989, and aged almost 30 years, it holds many more lessons than it did when I was what?  15.

Close to the end grandma talks about how much she always loved the roller coaster (and for the sake of this, I do NOT, nor would my back be able to take that or my balance centre but that’s another story).  The fear, the exhilaration, the surprise, the excitement, the “oh my God I’m going to die”.  She was telling to to her grandson and his wife who had 3 kids and were suddenly expecting a fourth.  And when I was 15 that really didn’t mean much.  28 years later, I get it, fully.  Life is a roller coaster and we are just along for the ride.

It doesn’t make what we go through any less of what it is.  We are emotional beings and we have this stuff thrown at us to teach us lessons.

My biggest issue is that so much has been thrown at me at the same time that I can’t register it all.  I’m finding that trying to work through it all and digest and accept is nearly impossible.

As you all know, my boss of almost 11 years retired a week ago.  That added more emotions to the potion and that potion isn’t sitting too well.  Let me tell you, this past week SUCKED!  The new boss, not very user friendly.  Everyone keeps saying to hang on and maybe it will iron itself out… the trouble is, having been included in the “deal” only until the end of August is not much comfort especially the way things have gone.  I can’t afford the rent on 55% of my salary so I think it’s time for me to light the fire under the job search.

So there’s one more thing to add to my list and, unfortunately, I’m not in any way prepared emotionally to start a new job.  But, as humans, we just push forward.

As for my cancer, well, I saw the specialist yesterday.  He did in fact miss some of the precancerous cells.  That said, he did go on to say that the cautery does kill off about 4mm of the surrounding tissue that is not included and sent to the lab so there is a possibility that the cells seen at the margins were, in fact, killed off.  BUT… we won’t know until we do another biopsy.  This time we wait and that will be August 30.  For the next 4 months (almost) I get to sit in limbo.  I get no further answers.

So I will carry on.  I will mark my calendar and I will try to deal with everything else.

Advertisements