That seems to be the ultimate question.

It’s a question that I can’t entirely answer.  I’m having difficulties getting in tune with what my emotions are… I can’t seem to define them well these days.

Everything just seems to be rumbling around in my mind.  Monday was the realization that this is the last week with my boss and that made me over-emotional.  I struggled to keep my tears at bay for most of the day.

Everything just seems to keep piling up–I keep carrying everything inside.

As for being positive, well, it’s not like I’m BEING negative but rather I’ve had negative dumped on me and I have no way of working through it all at once.  It’s like jumping into the deep end and you hope you can swim back to the surface before you run out of air.

I’m also starting to count down the days until I see the specialist for the “official” results, even though I already have them.  We’ll see what he has to say about the cells he missed.

My boss retired Friday.  The party went off in spectacular fashion and so many people complimented me on a job well done.  I have a way of managing these things very well!  I always have.  I enjoy planning events like that and seeing them succeed.

But I worry about what tomorrow will bring with the “new guy”.  What changes he will make, what his expectations will be and how much I will have to push back and/or find a new job.  So if anyone hears of anything in nursing, or even event planning, let me know!  I’d like to at least take a look.  Of course I have my preferred list of what I’d like to do but I can evaluate each job posting.  I get job alerts from Workopolis, Indeed and Trending Jobs but you never know what is out there that isn’t advertised.

There’s even a position at the KW Art Gallery that I’m considering putting my name in for.  Why not?  It doesn’t hurt.

I think what I’m really holding out for is to see if Conestoga College is looking for a full-time professor in something I can teach but that wouldn’t be until September now.  And that’s fine… I can squash all my vacation time into the summer!

So much going through my mind.  If nothing else, sitting and writing this helps to put it out there.  Some of it you see, most of it, you do not!

I’ll keep you posted on what the specialist says on Friday.