For weeks I have been able to “delude” myself in a way.  I knew my results but my consult appointment was a ways off… now, it’s here.  It’s this Thursday.

This is one of those appointments that will tell me what comes next.  Not only what comes next but when.  I need to know what kind of time off I’m going to need and what the restrictions are.  It’s not that either of my jobs are extremely stressful or “heavy” but I do intend on taking the recommended time because I never do!

But I have noticed how much I’ve been dreading this because my stress levels are rising, I have been sleeping less, my back has been even more sore (if that’s even possible) and I can’t seem to write much which is why I haven’t been here!

It’s not that I haven’t thought about it either.  I have read The Writer and I have done some personal writing but the “What’s next?” question sits at the forefront of my mind.

I have tried to distract myself the last couple of weeks with movies and reading but it doesn’t matter!

I even had the thought of my main character going through something similar, which I have mentioned before, but even writing that scene seems to be impossible at the moment.

So I’m just kind of floating out there right now feeling like I’m lost.  I think this really is the first very true bout of block I’ve ever had.

I will leave it at that… I’d ask for you to wish me luck on Thursday but I will save that for the surgery/procedure date!

 

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