For weeks I have been able to “delude” myself in a way. I knew my results but my consult appointment was a ways off… now, it’s here. It’s this Thursday.
This is one of those appointments that will tell me what comes next. Not only what comes next but when. I need to know what kind of time off I’m going to need and what the restrictions are. It’s not that either of my jobs are extremely stressful or “heavy” but I do intend on taking the recommended time because I never do!
But I have noticed how much I’ve been dreading this because my stress levels are rising, I have been sleeping less, my back has been even more sore (if that’s even possible) and I can’t seem to write much which is why I haven’t been here!
It’s not that I haven’t thought about it either. I have read The Writer and I have done some personal writing but the “What’s next?” question sits at the forefront of my mind.
I have tried to distract myself the last couple of weeks with movies and reading but it doesn’t matter!
I even had the thought of my main character going through something similar, which I have mentioned before, but even writing that scene seems to be impossible at the moment.
So I’m just kind of floating out there right now feeling like I’m lost. I think this really is the first very true bout of block I’ve ever had.
I will leave it at that… I’d ask for you to wish me luck on Thursday but I will save that for the surgery/procedure date!