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We always get those warnings ahead, and during, just about everything we watch on TV now. Now it’s my turn and I don’t even get the chance to put a warning like that on one of my books first!

As you all know, I had to have a procedure done almost three weeks ago.  Last weekend was pretty stressful for me as I knew the results would be arriving one day during the week.  I also went for an MRI of my back to see what was going on in there since I’ve been noticing more than subtle changes.

So Monday morning my Pathology Report arrived…

Well, I will definitely have to have an additional procedure done… it showed cells that were a level away from cancerous.  I don’t see the specialist again until March 9 at which time I will discuss with him the next steps.

Then my MRI results arrived on Tuesday showing that there has been extensive changes at L5-6.  There’s nothing that anyone will do because there is no impact on my spinal canal.

So it was an incredibly depressing week for me.  Everyone was quick to say how great it was that my cells weren’t cancer.  I’m an RN… I know the facts!  I can’t help how I feel.  I already spend every second of every minute of every hour of every day in pain.  I now have to endure more to have the cells removed.   Plus I’m in for even more pain from my back.

This isn’t FAIR!!!  I am unable to look in the mirror right now and tell myself how lucky I am.  I feel overwhelmed and anxious and down in the dumps.  Maybe it’s just me.  Plus, I have been thinking about all the things that I might never get to do because of it.

I keep thinking that I should be writing!  I should be starting a new book not just making notes about the possibility.  I think part of my agitation stems from not writing which is fuelled by my current health status.

I had wondered about using this in one of my storylines somewhere down the road.  I just can’t seem to focus on anything.  But perhaps, at some point, I can look back and grab hold of the emotions again to use it.  Or, maybe when it’s all over, I will just want to put it on a shelf and not have to look back on it.

One of the great joys of being the author… I can use what I want and dispose of the rest. Somebody gets off easy

Why can’t life be like that?