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I sat down Sunday morning to write my blog post and I just couldn’t.  I didn’t know what to write.

I feel like my life has been turned upside down with all that has happened.  I’m still trying to figure out which end is up and how I get back to being upright!

And through it all, I have felt so incredibly lonely and lost.  I mentioned to someone that it’s like the stories you hear from those who have had near-death experiences–that they realize there’s more to life than what they’ve been living… work and constant stress.  That there should be happiness.  Most of us can’t have that because we can’t afford that!

I had already realized that I want different things, NEW things; things that make me happy rather than fulfill a need (but we all need a certain amount of that don’t we?).

I have been in the same job for ten years.  For many, that’s unheard of!  I am proud of myself for that accomplishment but I keep having that unsettled feeling.

I have talked about what I want multiple times here.  I have talked about how much more difficult it is to make the change.

I hate that I am as nervous about all the possible changes as I am.  I wish I was one of those people who could take everything in stride and let it roll off my shoulders.  I’m just not.  I wasn’t born that way.

When I have a job interview I think of all the things down the road, like how I would tell my boss.  Never mind whether I actually get a job offer or not!  I worry way too much, way more than I should and probably way more than is healthy.

But I haven’t had time to do so many things lately.  My eight hour days are turning into ten hour days and I’m tired all the time.

I can’t even focus on writing!  So what I’m going to do is start working on the edits for Confessions in the Mural and see, once and for all, if I can swing my head back around.  I got it out on Sunday and haven’t had a chance to even look at it.

I will keep you posted!

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