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That pretty much sums up my life at this moment in time!

I knew that 2016 was going to be a year of change for my daughter… high school graduation, start of college… and guess what?  She got the offer she wanted it and she has accepted it!  Now we move forward.

I think back 25 years to when I was in the exact same position… I was graduating high school and had put my application in for Nursing and at that time we had to wait by the mailbox, begging for it to somehow magically make the college letter appear.  Day after day.  Then the arrival of it and the breath-holding as I tore into the envelope with all my fingers crossed hoping that it carried the news I wanted!  There was no internet… there was no instant responses!  Obviously I got in and the rest is history.  It’s incredible that the same thing is happening to my daughter on my 25th anniversary of sorts and it’s hard to believe that a quarter of a century has gone by!

And then real life pulls me back down to earth and my frustrations set in… I was not chosen for the Art That Moves You project.  Sure I’d like to know why… don’t we all?

And those are my greatest frustrations right now… nothing seems to be going my way.  No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do it just seems like something, or someone is pulling everything out of my reach.

Let’s just say that it certainly cuts the motivation down… it’s a case of “why should I even bother” if nothing is going to work out for me.  That’s the wrong attitude to have but, as I’m sure you all know, we all end up feeling that way at one point or another.

And the biggest question for all of is in that situation is Why?  Followed by What have I done to deserve this?

The Sustainable Arts Foundation is open again for spring and I’m on the fence as to apply or not… what can I do differently this time than I did last time?  Do I enter as a photographer rather than an author?  Do I just babble on with some of my answers?  Do I submit exactly what comes from the heart as opposed to the brain and rewriting until I can’t suck the words out of it anymore?  Do I state that my main goal with the money is to be able to be a bit more comfortable financially?  In turn allowing me to relax and get some writing done?  I don’t know!  You can’t see how the winners filled out their applications as a guideline either.

So I’m really feeling like I’m in a catch-22 at the moment.  I feel damned to do and damned not to do… can’t win if you don’t try.

I brought myself some hope… the City is putting on a Startup Finance Workshop… I signed up to go!

Fingers crossed that it brings something good!

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