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Things have changed at work and not for the better.

Yesterday was unpleasant to say the least and I spent the latter half not speaking to him (well, avoiding speaking to him) as I was incredibly angry.  Even now I ask myself what do I do?  And worse… what might be wrong with him.

Watching my grandmother follow the course of Alzheimer’s, it makes me wonder.  Things he says one day he doesn’t the next… he gives me a list of patients to call and when I call them they have already talked to him.

The bottom line, I believe, is to move on… but where?  Do I continue down the path of nursing and working full-time hours or do I try to change things?  If I try to change things how do I go about that?

Do I go back to school?  Visiting colleges with my daughter has deposited the seed of possibility.

Do I apply for funding of some kind to open my writing studio?

I know that we, as humans, are programmed to avoid failure and we do our best to avoid it because we don’t have the ability to pick up the pieces if we actually do fail.  I’m unable, financially, to stare failure in the face.  I have rent and other bills to pay as do most of us.  Responsibilities that require funds.  Adequate funds.

And… for some reason, I can’t seem to get responses out of anyone from all the writing jobs I’ve applied to.  Am I doing it wrong?  Is there something I am missing as far as applying goes?

Will I ever find out?  Or is it a matter of trust?  If someone is looking for something specific why post on Craigslist?  Why not post somewhere else?  Why post at all?

It is too bad that writer’s are treated with so little respect.  In a region of three quarters of a million people, I am nothing.  Very few know my name and it is beyond difficult to branch out from there.  If you’re unknown to 750,000 people, how do you end up with your name known beyond that?

How do we branch out beyond our walls?  How do we break free from the ties that seem to bind us? That silence our words?