A Snow Day…

Wow!  It just won’t stop!

It has been snowing since 4 a.m. or 6 a.m.  Pick one… both those times were in the forecast leading into today.

I have been out to shovel five times now just to keep the amount of snow moveable and it’s already hurting my back because the amount that’s falling… I just can’t keep up!  The last two times I’ve shovelled it has been about two inches each time so I’m done!  I will likely get one more opportunity to shovel and then it will be left up to the kids.  We’ve easily had the 20 cm (four inches) forecasted originally so I wonder how much we will actually get!

It has been a busy day on the homefront.  I have done four loads of laundry, went to get a small gift for the birthday party we are going to tonight and am packing up slowly to go out tonight.  I’m getting a ride tonight which I’m grateful for.

I haven’t had much time to spend on writing recently.  I hope this coming week will change that for me since I’m actually working at the new office all week and it will be quiet.

There are many things I likely need to start to seriously consider.  I need to make a list of those things and might even have to do pros and cons… yes, a little bit of a joke there… but not entirely.  Sometimes doing pros and cons helps you identify things that you wouldn’t have thought of.  It digs deeper into the meaning of things.

Life changes and, though hard for many of us, we need to change with it.  Life throws curve balls.  Well, God throws the curve balls.  It’s when we don’t listen to what we’re being told and we don’t want to follow that things end up badly.

And sometimes, we just have to do what we have to do for our own peace of mind, sanity and to move forward.

THE To-do List…

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Do you have one?  I do and it’s growing longer.  It’s a to-do list of things I need to do (obviously) AND want to do but I have to pick and choose… always.

Yes, some things are musts, like chores… vacuuming, laundry, dusting.  Then there are the things that crop up and need to be dealt with at home from MY laptop like answering emails, I had a course to try to prep for (which isn’t running now so…) Then on to editing and taking down Christmas decorations which always makes me sad.  Though I just had a brilliant idea… what if I leave my cardholder up all year with the cards in it?  A little bit of Christmas wishes all year?

I did manage to answer some emails last evening but my bedtime was slightly delayed.  One of those emails was from December 8th and I felt really bad for missing the opportunity to write back sooner.

Then more things have been added, again but at least I don’t have to prep for the course now.  I don’t know exactly how I feel about that because I really wanted to opportunity to teach it as they’ve changed the curriculum.

I haven’t even had a chance to start editing my Christmas Judge story OR the one I wrote last Sunday.  Haven’t even had a chance to look at them.

At this moment, as I’m packing up to head out for the night I’m trying to figure out if I take my laptop tonight or not because the weather is supposed to get really bad and it might be several hours tomorrow before I can get back home.

So, while I would love to keep writing, I have things to do!

Five days in…

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I originally planned on writing on New Year’s Day but it ended up being a very busy day.  Now it’s the fifth already!

So what’s new?  Anyone made any resolutions?  I didn’t.  The only time I did that was many years ago now when I needed to lose a significant amount of weight and I did it.  I need to lose a few holiday pounds but that’s minor.

So part of New Year’s Eve was me, in front of the fire, that Christmas Judge story on my lap, pencil in hand and editing.  I had just pulled a beautiful ring out of a Charmed Aroma candle and it was placed on my left ring finger.  The stones in it reflected the flames of the fire as I held pencil in hand.

We had an absolutely beautiful evening and I poured just a bit of wine into a glass to toast the New Year when the ball dropped.  It was the first time in many years that I had someone to kiss at the turn of the New Year.

Then I had to go back to reality on January 2nd with work… but at least it was at the new job which was a relief.  Friday was a s**tshow at the other job and I was so frustrated and angry when I got home I wanted to cry.

I was grateful to be off this weekend and I got a fair bit done at home… including four loads of laundry.  Last evening I had the advantage of doing the rest of that editing and I just finished entering all those edits.

I’m still stumped with what to do with that story because it’s just under 25,000 words so it’s not something I can publish as a book.  The alternative is to compile it with some of my short stories and publish it all together… use the short stories like the big bands use smaller bands to do their pre-shows at concerts.

I started another short story this morning… this time off of a beautiful story starter from my email… You go for a walk in fresh snow. Suddenly you realize you’re not leaving any footprints.

Feel free to give it a try if you wish.  There’s a second one I want to try too!

Exciting to be getting back into writing!  Finally!

New Year’s Eve

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The end of another year is upon us.  And, in most news reports, the end of a decade!

As I look back on my year (too long to look back on a decade) I think of all I have written and all that has happened…

I got a permanent, though sporadic, writing job allowing me to write health articles as well as being a part-time reporter for a small newspaper!  I wrote an entire novel in less time than I ever have, edited it four times and got it published… almost with a publisher.

I think from a writer’s perspective that’s pretty darn good!

As for the rest of my life; my world, my partner of 17 years had a stroke which, based on the circumstances of our relationship, took him away from me.  Of course it was hard to see in those difficult moments that it was truly meant to be and it boosted my faith even that much more because the next thing that was meant to be was waiting for me right on the same block, not even around the corner… completely unexpected but there all the same!

A wonderful and beautiful new relationship started and I look forward to what the New Year will bring us.  I never thought there would be someone new so soon and I never thought there would be someone that I would connect with this way.  I know that there are surprises in life and this was certainly one of them!

I’m so excited to be celebrating the New Year with him!

Then on a professional front I found my way back to family practice part-tine which is taking some pressure off me because I can get out of the travel office a bit and keep my head in the game!

All-in-all, despite the despair and torment that consumed me for part of the summer, I think there’s a great deal of positives to be thankful for and even more to look forward to.

I do hope I can continue with the writing… maybe I could even manage to publish another book and write a couple more short stories.  My heart just hasn’t been in it as much which is understandable based on finishing Haven of Secrets and it being the holidays.  At least part of my has had a holiday!

Haven of Secrets made it up onto Amazon before the end of 2019!  The Canadian site is https://www.amazon.ca/Haven-Secrets-Pamela-Clayfield/dp/0359902499/ref=sr_1_9?keywords=pamela+clayfield&qid=1577821200&sr=8-9

I wish you all the best for the celebration of the start of a New Year at midnight and I hope that pours into the New Year and new decade of 2020!

Merry Christmas

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Christmas Eve has crept up, yet taken its time through these last weeks as we’ve taken the time to prepare.

I’m in a very different position than I was a year ago and this time of year has made me reflect on where I’ve been and where I’m going.  We can’t see the future but we always have hope.  We can see the past and can use that, and the lessons from it, to move into the future.  To try to not make the same mistakes and to not take things for granted.

For 17 years I was linked to someone who carried my heart and gave me his.  I held his heart close and treated it gently and kindly despite the fact that, over that time, I knew, despite all the hope in the world, that we would never be a true WE.  After all that happened this summer with him and his health it seems that stories were written in his mind that varied from the truth in mine.  After being told what feelings and thoughts were in my mind and heart I had no other choice but to stop listening to it because it wasn’t true and it started to really impact my thoughts and feelings as well as increased my stress levels to the point of constant headaches.

I found myself in the arms of someone new… someone who I can have hopes about who will not be so quick to stomp on those hopes.  Someone who lifts me up and holds me in high regard and who enjoys spending time with me whether we’re watching movies or sports or listening to music.

It has been such a different year this year, one that I never expected.  You go into a year thinking and hoping it will be great and then the curveballs come at you!  So far, though, I have been happy with the curveballs, especially the latter.  The lesson I am taking from the 17 years is that I’m glad, with his behaviour, that we never did actually end up together because I think it would have been a very challenging relationship with a lot of bossiness and “my way or the highway” attitude and I couldn’t have lived with that.

So take the time to think about this year before it comes to an end.  Where can you be grateful?  What lessons have you learned?  What changes will you make based on those lessons?

To all of you, I wish you the Merriest of Christmases.  The Joy, Hope, Love and Peace the season brings to you and your families.  Be with loved ones and cherish being there.  You never know when they will be taken away.  Appreciate the gifts you have been given because, in this life, that is truly what they are… gifts, blessings.

 

Agitated, annoyed, tired & overwhelmed

I know!  That’s a lot of big words and must be, well, overwhelming to feel them all at the same time.

It is.  It’s been a long week so far and I’m glad it’s over at 4:30 tomorrow.

I’ve managed to get a lot done but at the expense of a lot of other things including not being able to rest my mind.  Monday and Tuesday were back-to-back work days, as always.  I woke at 4 on Tuesday morning thinking about everything I still needed to do including getting more than six gifts wrapped plus the fact that a number of my gifts hadn’t even arrived yet.  That problem was partly solved when I went to start the car Tuesday morning and there, on my patio, behind my shovel were two boxes.

Wednesday the rest of what I was expecting finally arrived and that should be it according to my list.  Everything has been wrapped and is under the tree waiting for the next six sleeps to pass by.

I also got my hair coloured, something I wanted to do about three days sooner than I got it done but I’m happy with it.

So why am I feeling all these things?  I think the agitation and annoyance comes from racing home, making supper, doing dishes and then remembering a couple other Christmas-related things I wanted to do (I did get them done before I sat to write this).

I’m  also feeling a bit depressed this evening… today was the last day I worked at the new job until the New Year because the next two Tuesdays are Eves so everywhere I work closes at noon and next Thursday is Boxing Day.  I had to wish them a Merry Christmas before I left.  It’s where I’d prefer to be and it’s the place I won’t be until the holidays are over.

I don’t think that’s the only reason… another reason might just be the weather as we’ve fallen into a deep freeze.

And, we all know that all of those feelings are probably also related to the fact I have written absolutely nothing for a while including the posts that I had promised myself I would write daily starting almost 20 days ago.   I have failed at that.

As a new year approaches we always look back and wonder about everything that has happened.  Of course I will save that for another post closer to the end of the year but I will say that 2019 has to be the year that has sped by the fastest in my memory.  I don’t recall any other year that has gone by as fast as this one has.  I feel like it was yesterday that we were celebrating last Christmas and here we are again.

I am going to go find something else to fill my time with this evening, even if it’s just playing my word game on my iPad.  It’s too late to have a nap but I’m definitely going to bed early again.

 

Time not on my side…

I currently have a to-do list longer than the time I have available to me in order to get ready for Christmas.

Last evening was the annual Yuletide Spectacular Christmas concert by the K-W Symphony and I was thinking that, because I’m working today, I have exactly four days to get everything done and ready for Christmas… I’m talking things like my hair, wrapping the bulk of my gifts, getting to a store or two to actually acquire a couple gifts as well as groceries for over the holidays.  I also need to do laundry this weekend and next weekend… though laundry next Saturday is minor since the machines do most of the work!  I can’t wrap a portion of my gifts without getting boxes from my mom’s garage!

I also haven’t figured out most of what is happening over Christmas other than I want to go to church on Christmas Eve and I am with my family for the bulk of Christmas Day.

This calendar year has flown by faster than any other I can recollect.  It feels like this year has sped by leaving me wondering where the time has gone in its wake.  It doesn’t feel like that long ago that it was last Christmas or that I was getting my new vehicle in the spring.  The winter bled so long into spring that we were pretty certain we weren’t going to get summer and, because it started so late we almost didn’t get summer!  It was definitely abbreviated that’s for sure!

As I sit at the office (someone wasn’t able to make their appointment) watching the snow flying outside the window I am listening to Christmas music and trying to slow down the time in order to enjoy the holidays that will be different than all those I have celebrated over all these years… sharing it with someone new.  Experiencing his traditions as I share mine.

I’m in that mode where it’s time to slow things down to take it all in but with all the things on my to-do list I’m not sure if it will be possible to enjoy!

How do you do it all? Most years I’m so much more organized than I feel I have been this year and I’m definitely struggling with that!  This is not me at all as most people will tell you.

I’m looking forward to a quiet evening next to the fire and, with a little hope, some Christmas movies.

 

Poison be gone!

Last night I received a poisonous email.  It blamed me for a number of things despite all the facts.  I’m sorry, I feel badly for how things happened but yet I don’t.  I feel like God was directing, and still is, and I just can’t get some people to understand that.

At this point, it’s not worth getting upset over and I understand that.  It’s easier said than done when I tend to be as sensitive as I am but then the little ME in my head shouts at me to just stop worrying about it.  The little ME is right… I truly do need to stop worrying about it.  I have to let it go and I will.

Today has been incredibly productive.  My mom was over and we got a lot done… we moved a few pieces of furniture around and cleaned.  Now all I need to do is clear off my dining room table of the superfluous items on it, keep it clean and get my wrapping done!  Today felt like leaps and bounds for me actually in getting done what we did.  Things did get put away, vacuuming and dusting got done, my bathroom is clean and smells clean… I feel proud of my home once again!

I wish I could get my head wrapped back around my writing in the same way.  I do feel blocked still though I’m feeling agitation from not writing… it’s a crazy feeling.  Maybe I need to doodle for a bit and just sit and write what’s on my mind.

I would like to BE prepared for Christmas by now but it’s so up in the air.  I’m kind of confused about it and don’t know where I will be and when.  Friday night I will be at the symphony.  A year ago I wasn’t adjusting to my schedule at the new job and this year I’m, once again, trying to adjust to a new schedule with a new man in my life.

I want to write about that too!  One of these days I’m going to get there.  Until then, well, hold your horses!

Happens in Three’s

Today is a day when I ask myself why we exist sometimes if all this s**t is going to happen!  In the grand scheme of things it’s not like it’s the end of the world but it feels like we’ve been dumped on.

Was it really necessary?  And, if so, what is the purpose?  What exactly is the point?  Okay, people die every day.  It’s part of the life cycle.  But for the other things… were they really necessary?  It’s only two weeks until Christmas… the worst part of finding out what I found out is the reminder that there are heartless people in this world who don’t care what they do or who they do it to.  They don’t even care why they do it… other than for selfish reasons.  That’s it… selfishness.

So many Facebook posts right now speak of the wish for love and peace in the world and it’s too bad that doesn’t seem to extend beyond a small group of people.

Love and peace in the world… what a thought that would be.  Everyone getting along with no more wars, people killing people, people stealing from people… the list goes on.

Anyway, I need to get back to work here but wanted to at least say something and to maybe pick up where I left off in the attempt to blog daily!

Nearing exhaustion…

When I was in family practice before I worked 3 1/2 days a week!  When I left I was working 4 days a week including Saturday and had difficulties adapting.  Then I got some help and it switched to every other Saturday so I ended up working 7 days in 14.  I was adjusting and had both Wednesday and Thursday off every week.

Now I’m adding a day in there and that will mean 4 day weeks and 5 day weeks when I work Saturday.  The last 2 weeks I’ve been doing extra time for training and last week I worked 6 straight days and this week it will be 5.

I’m just looking for a bit of time to myself… some space, some peace and quiet to sit, get my thoughts organized and figure out where to go from here.  It feels like everything has been put on hold right now… my manuscript, my Christmas shopping, everything.

The great thing… the nurse I work with… she’s a writer too!  We spent half the morning talking about that once I found out!  She actually went to a workshop weekend… maybe we can go together sometime!

It’s amazing what happens when you are trying to type the shortest of nursing notes and fumble at the keyboard.  All I said was “I can write a 50,000+ word novel with no issues but can’t wrap my fingers around a 3 word line!

That’s when she asked about my writing and then we started to compare notes.  Maybe we can actually get her published… even if she self-publishes!

Anyway, it’s past my bedtime so I’m cutting this short.

Goodnight!