Everything Changes

We shouldn’t be surprised by life but we still are, no matter how many times we face things whether they are joyous, sad, beautiful, dark.  It’s part of life.  Much of it teaches us lessons, if we are willing to learn the lessons which, today, many people are not.  Instant gratification has taken the population by storm, thanks to the internet, and there is no longer any stopping to smell the roses.

It’s like me, almost two years after my surgery!  How I would love to be able to stop and appreciate what’s around me and be able to afford to spend time in those spaces, not looking at the same confining walls of the office with only a parking lot and a few trees out the window.

I want to get away, I want to spend time in places that I love, doing things that I love.    I have not spent my own overnight at the trailer yet… not since before my surgery.  My daughter doesn’t want to stay in the house alone… I probably felt the same way at her age but that doesn’t help me at all.

But as I near 45 in a short week I am beginning to wonder if I will ever get the opportunity to do all the things I’d like to.

These last few weeks have been the most tumultuous. The necessary conversation was had today which has created a storm within yet, strangely, a calm.

I’m not going to elaborate on that further this evening, just cocoon for a while.

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Relationships…

Wow!

I sit here most days at this time quietly eating my supper while listening to my daughter and her boyfriend bicker.  That’s probably the kindest word I can use.  The voices go up, the pushing starts and I won’t even take that further.

I do raise my voice at times because it drives me nuts but I don’t understand it!  I can’t understand it!  I was in a smothering relationship when I was married and I managed to get out of that.

I write love stories for a number of reasons and my characters are never abusive because when two people love each other they find ways to work with each other.  Love is something special that too many people take for granted.  They don’t communicate with each other which means give and take.  When one person talks the other needs to be listening.  The listener may not always like what is being said but hears what is being said before responding.

I find that sometimes I start to say something and I’m cut off because the listener thinks they know what I’m going to say… I actually know someone who says the last word or words that are being said to her… she works in an office I visit regularly and she does it with every patient who comes in!

But I have been lucky enough to have people in my life who listen to me and I do the same for them.

This, though, as I sit here listening to the bickering makes me cringe!  She’s taking too much of the couch, he’s taking too much of the couch!  Don’t touch me!  Why are you looking at me that way?  It goes on and on!

Love is caring, sharing, communicating, compromising and, most of all, enjoying each other’s company.  Why be together if that’s all you’re going to do?

I think we all have soulmates, and I did purposely indicate the plural there.  We are put here with only so many years to live and we grow and change.  Sure we all have to start somewhere so we have those sex-crazy boyfriends or starry-eyed girlfriends in high school and only once in a while do we find Mr. or Miss Right in high school (and I do know of a couple who met in high school, got married and are happy). Most of those relationships are learning experiences that should prepare us better for what we want in our futures.

I made the error with my marriage but I learned from it. I’m leaving now because I really can’t stand the bickering any longer!

Something New…

Today was an incredibly lazy day… what did I do?

Took a pair of pants to my daughter at work, went to the grocery store and came back home.  Started getting a headache but still managed to tidy the kitchen, took out a bunch of garbage and recyclables, cleaned the bathroom, baked cookies… SHHHHH (there were only eight and they’re ALL mine), and all was done slowly through the day as I had to rest in between for my head.

I thought a lot about something new and wonderful that’s happening.  Something that is making me happier… making me smile more and making me feel hope and feel all warm inside!

So on that short note, with my head starting to hurt again, I’m going to go…

Positive Thoughts

This morning I finally got to see the chiropractor.  It felt like months instead of weeks… that’s what that one extra week will do!  He’s just simply not allowed to take vacations unless he checks to see that it’s my off week.  That’s it!  Anyway, it was painful but I have some relief, especially through my shoulders and base of my neck! It won’t last long but it might help me have a restful night.

I’ve just been taking it easy today mostly.  I did a couple of crossword puzzles and I knitted several more rows… yes, it’s that time of the year and, if nothing else, it gives me something to do!

I got an update on my Rogue… the repairs are done and it’s ready for painting!  I was getting a little worried after the last update that I might not have it back in time for my birthday!

Speaking of birthdays… I’m also baking a cake… SHHHHHHH!  It’s my daughter’s 21st birthday!  It’s one of those special ones… after that it’s 25, then 30 and then STOP COUNTING! I’m not a big fan of my birthday anymore.  Yes, I’m a year older but, really?  Does it matter?  I’ve already had 44 of them… I have had a cancer threat, surgery and gone through the “joys” of menopause.  Almost two years later I still just want the opportunity to step back and just appreciate what’s around me rather than feeling like I’m here to do nothing more than work!

Today has been one of those days.  For once… with one small exception but I won’t even go there right now… so far it hasn’t got too far out of hand.

Anyway, my friends, I have not looked at my novel today… sometimes I just need that break.  BUT… I’m about to have a timer go off and I need to go get my cooling racks and oven mitts out!

Cover Struggles

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#PitMad, cover copy, Creative Writing, description, pitch contest, stuck, Twitter, Writing

I already shared my initial thoughts on the cover copy for Haven of Secrets but now that I’m trying to pull everything together I’m stuck on parts of it.  I thought it would be best to include the actual date of the occurrence rather than at Christmastime for starters.  But I like the rest of the first paragraph.

Where I’m stumped the most is how I include the fact that Haven also finds romance into what I’ve previously written.  I also want to make it known on the cover that the story is based loosely around real events.

I’m stumped and I even put pen to paper.

I had another thought as well… remember all the Twitter pitches from last year?  Those have tapered off significantly but I there is one coming up on September 5th and I’m wondering if it’s worth waiting and trying to pitch this thing on that day and if I don’t get any takers then I can proceed to publishing it myself.  It’s only two weeks away and it might take me that long to perfect this cover copy!

The only issue is coming up with my description of the novel in 280 characters or less which is always tricky no matter how many times I did it last year!

If you have any input for cover copy and weaving it all together, feel free to share!

Light at the end of the tunnel…

I don’t frequently share my faith and the depth of it but it’s there and very strong.

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and that the people who come into our lives also have purpose. Someone told me once that our spirits/souls grow and never stop but grow at different rates. Friends, even partners, can grow apart if one doesn’t grow at the same rate. We tend to gravitate towards those on the same level.

On the whole, I would hope God knows what He is doing at all times… even when we yell at Him asking why something has to feel so right when the timing is off! Jobs, relationships, not being able to find something when you should be out the door… you get the idea! Then you pass the accident on the way to work!

But are there really accidents? Everything happens at the right time even if some of us don’t feel that way. God brings a person into our life at the right moment to say “everything is going to be okay” just like our keys are misplaced or we forget something.

And, very likely, the other person has a need as well and may not even know it yet.

I have probably turned my ship’s wheel and passed by another without a backwards glance on many occasions. This time God has put the ship in front of me. There is no turning… there is only gliding up alongside, anchoring them together and seeing what treasure might be on board.

I can’t wait!

Life Changes…

Are we ever prepared for the changes in life?  Since he’s been home it has been almost impossible to communicate outside of texting.  They need to be kept short due to the vision issues.  We finally managed a short conversation this morning and it got me reflecting on how we can try to mentally prepare for things to happen but we can never truly understand how we will react until we are in that moment.

I was thinking back to July 25 and my reaction.  We all, at some point or another (and hopefully not dwell on it), wonder what will happen if and when we lose our loved ones.  It could be our parents because that’s almost inevitable, grandparents if they’re still alive, other family members we are close to who are still alive and those who are significant in our lives in one way or another.  Though it was something I had given some thought to… like one of those thoughts you keep in the back of your mind, I never thought I would react the way I did that day.  And, knowing me, it shouldn’t have been a surprise but it was and still is.

I can’t not go on in life… there will always be someone that will go before us.  I always joked that I could go before him just as easily as vice versa… we don’t know what the plans are for each of us.  But I also know that love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going in a healthy direction… as stated by a very close friend… and she’s right.  It’s not.  It’s possible to maintain a friendship but not a relationship.

So that’s where I am on that journey.  Still grieving and still sad with the lack of communication from someone who was my rock.

Don’t take for granted the relationships you have… cherish them.

Now I’m going to go do more work in that template!  (P.S. there’s currently a pair of legs hanging outside the office window!)

Music…

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Creative Writing, emotional, emotions, feeling lost, feeling pain, feelings, lazy day, loneliness, music, pain, taking a break, Writing

About a year ago I ended up with a smart TV.  The only thing I did was log it onto the Wifi and logged onto Netflix.  That’s it… and most of the time I watch Netflix through my TV provider or on my iPad.

Not too long ago I hit the HOME button on the remote and ended up seeing YouTube on there… of course I wanted that!  I logged into my account and I can now listen to my playlists through my TV!  I tend to forget that though!

I love listening to music, especially when it’s my favourites!  Music has always been such a part of my life between church and my parents’ enjoyment of it, and their record collection!  I find it’s very soothing… I think most people do but then some people hate it I’m sure… just like any other activity.

Today I’m exhausted and I decided to just turn on my play list… just a collection of songs… many from my past and before my past and some from just a couple of months ago like a song or two from The Launch.  And, of course, many from the 80’s and 90’s… Whitney Houston for example.

Some days we just need to pass on doing much else.  Today was one of those days.  It’s a day that has been threatening rain but is hot, hot, hot out there.  I went for a swim which felt good and I’m glad I did that.  Now it’s cloudy again.

I’m battling a lot of feelings today as I listen to the words of the songs.  I wish I had someone here with me… in so many ways I’m tired of spending so much time alone, though sometimes, I need that time alone… my writing would never get done and I would probably end up going crazy not having ME time but I think that’s just communication and give and take.

So take a break and go listen to some music!  Now all I need is the beach!

I Quit!

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author notes, chapter headings, Chapters, Creative Writing, difficulty, exciting, fonts, layout, long process, Lulu, publishing, self-publishing, sizes, spacing, template, Writing

Well, for the day!  I thought I would start the process of creating the insides of Haven of Secrets! I pulled up one of my old novels to copy and paste into the template and ended up hitting save instead of save as which totally lost Til We Meet Again!  Thank God for Ctrl-Z to undo that, resave and then start all over again.

Sigh.

Then I started trying out different fonts and sizes and I think I have settled on what I want for chapter headers and the title page but no guarantees.  Now it’s all the measuring and moving and more measuring and going up and down making sure I got all the chapters separated… you get the idea.

The Acknowledgements section looks really good and so does the dedication page… but I give up for the day trying to measure and stretch it all out and change the fonts, size and do all the centering.  There will be plenty of time for that!

I’ve always done it in a day and I can’t afford to buy the proof copies anyway right now so why rush?  I plan on doing this with an ISBN number for distribution purposes which means I have to order the proof copy and then confirm or deny and redo the insides IF there are any issues.

It’s still very exciting and I still need to figure out what my cover is going to look like… that could be easy or difficult as well.  Such an exciting, but LONG process!

Other than having an actual publisher, I wouldn’t want it any other way!

In a MOOD!

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anger, anxiety, bridge, cover design, cover photos, Creative Writing, don't feel like it, Editing, emotional, emotions, frustrations, kissing bridge, photos, preparing to publish, publishing, West Montrose, Writing

Have you ever had one of those days where you just don’t feel like it?  You don’t feel like getting out of bed but you don’t feel like staying there either.  You don’t feel like breathing but if you hold your breath you’ll eventually start again anyway.  You don’t feel like feeling… maybe that’s where I’m at today.  I don’t feel like feeling anything yet I feel pain, fatigue… no, exhaustion, frustration, annoyance… that’s a great one (6-year-old kid added that to the list this morning), anger and even some fear mixed in.  I have very few updates because I’m not being given a lot of updates and communication is greatly decreased so that has been increasing my frustration levels as well.

Anyway, I did say I would share some of the photos I took yesterday, hopefully for the cover of my book… also because I haven’t been out there to take pictures since 2013!  Glad I got some updated ones taken.  I even took some pictures of what I believe is the house where the actual murders took place.  Haven’t had time to confirm that yet but I believe so!

I have had a few thoughts on where to put the title information… on the ends of the bridge I could insert the title across the top… Haven of Secrets which would look really cool. My favourite shot is the bottom left where it’s cut off… I do really like that one the most.  So I’ll see.  I’ve never actually produced a cover myself and uploaded it, I have always used the Cover Creator in Lulu.

What do you think?  I love the Kissing Bridge, despite never being kissed on it!