It’s SOOO Exciting…

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I woke up on my own Thursday morning before the alarm which was a good thing because I hadn’t turned it back on (I don’t work Wednesdays and turn it off to sleep in)!  I had a few minutes before I had to get up so I went into my email and I saw a name that was familiar but wasn’t placing it.  At first I thought it was spam.

Then the recall hit!  It was an email about a piece I had submitted to an anthology on March 25.  The piece has been accepted! 🙂

I spent the day on Cloud Nine!

Oddly enough, my boss was in an incredibly good mood as well.

So much keeps changing, yet other things stay the same.

I keep thinking; I keep wondering.  Then Friday morning something else happened and on my walk from the car into the building that morning I heard a message… yes, I know, you can call it what you will and I know what I call it.

Despite my frustrations at work this message told me to stay put.  I am finally leaving work at work most of the time, I am writing which is making me happy and boosting my spirits.  I am taking the Life Coaching program which is also providing a positive for me and my writing is getting accepted!  At this point in time, continuing what I’m doing gives me Wednesdays and weekends and gives me time to get things done.

I feel like I’m on the right path right now.  It will allow me to use my new office space and it might even allow me to work with a new co-worker… actually, it will allow that… I think it’s inevitable at this point!

So go pour a glass of wine and we’ll make a toast!

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What a weekend…

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It was a long weekend and from the perspective of writing it’s just what I needed!

I got an incredible amount of editing done, though not entered, and even though I didn’t get through as many Life Coaching modules as I wanted to I did get caught up on all the “paperwork” for that course so I can get to know where I stand as far as balance in my life as well as my personality typed.  Now I’m ready to jump back into the videos again!

But now I’m sitting at my desk, at work (yes, I’m writing this at work) wishing beyond wishes that I could be back at home surrounded my my writing projects, entering all the edits I made on paper and getting my guest blog posts written.  Ho hum… later.

I have also been experiencing a fair amount of fatigue and surgical-site tenderness again.  All part of the healing process I’m sure but frustrating as I feel like I take five steps forward, four steps back.

I am realizing so much from evaluating my life and I’m finding I’m generally happier even though I’m still in this job.  I’m leaving it at work easier than I was before and I think the return to writing has helped change that.

I’m also finding that my desire to write, to make life changes and to focus on what I enjoy is getting stronger and it’s getting more difficult to try to stamp it down and tell it to go away because it’s one of those gut feelings and you know it’s probably more right and more accurate than what my brain is trying to tell me!

So, everyone, get in front of your computers, or grab a piece of paper and write.  Today is Day 2 of NaNoWriMo Camp and you get to set your own word limit so there’s still time to sign up and start writing that novel you’ve always wanted to write!  You can even set your writing goal at 20,000 words if you want instead of 50,000.

Go for it!

Listen to your gut!

Write Hard, Write Often

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That’s what I have been doing!  I just added a fifth item to my list but just submitted an item… it’s for an anthology about the inevitability of life, change and renewal.  It was due today and I didn’t think that I was going to manage it.  I had lots to say but I just couldn’t get the words to flow in the order I wanted them to.  Then it hit!  I wrote it Friday evening, spent yesterday doing edits and submitted it late in the day yesterday!

I’m now back to trying to edits on a short story I wrote a year or a year and a half ago for a contest.  It has to be 2500 words or less so I had a fair bit to take out of it.  I finally figured that out this morning… do you remember my telling you at some point that sometimes what your novel needs is to remove the first chapter and start at chapter 2?  THAT is exactly what this needed… the first page was superfluous! I easily managed to slide the information on page one into the remainder of the story and shaved about 400 words off to come in under 2500!  I believe that contest isn’t due until May 31 so I’m going to let that simmer now.

I have also been asked to write a series of blog posts for a lifestyle blog.  At least I have the topics for that.

Lastly there is my novel which will definitely have to be put on the backburner for a bit because my non-fiction book needs to come first with edits and additions.

At this time I feel like work is getting in the way and have been feeling incredibly depressed during the hours I’m at work.  I feel much more energized (though still tire easily) on the weekends when I can work.  I am trying to take away as much from that as possible to carry me forward but it gets hard to do and I feel myself start to slide!

As I work through the Life Coaching Program and spend time writing and creating, it is more than just a feeling that things need to change.  I know they need to and I hope that with everything I’m doing that I’m building momentum and that I can keep that momentum going!

Time for Change?

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Friday was just another day in a job I have grown to dislike immensely (to make the understatement of the year) and then I acquired updates on not one but two fracture patients we had assessed the week before and it made me question why I was there!  Truly question that if my years of experience and advice are not going to be of value, other than a paycheque, why am I here?

For me it’s not JUST the boss, it’s the job.  It’s the demands of patients and a lot of it is the lack of understanding of how the system works and people who want to see the doctor every time they need a prescription renewal or they expect to see a specialist in a week.  It’s upsetting and stressful especially since I to just went through the system as a patient.

I know that there’s little else to do but TRY for change but, for several years now, I have been trying to determine what it is I WANT to do or be.  What I want to change.

It’s one thing entirely to determine that all you need is a change in environment and change to the boss but stay in that field vs. asking yourself what it is you want to do.

So where do I see myself?  I see myself still helping people but perhaps in a different capacity.  The biggest challenge… a paycheque! Unfortunately the bills still need to be paid.

I happened upon a Life Coaching Certificate Program online and I’m going to do it!  I already started it actually.  It’s 100 videos that are about ten minutes each so many hours.  I’ll keep you posted and maybe, just maybe, that too can be part of me helping people.

And naturally, there’s my writing.  I so want to start seeing some serious money rolling in from that.  Now that I’m back to writing I want that more than ever.  I don’t want to stop and I’m having difficulties finding enough time to look at everything I want to look at, write what I want to write and edit what needs editing!  I’m really trying to push hard and carry this momentum forward and wish I could reach light speed!

So I’m going to go back to it this afternoon!

Life is Precious…

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We move through life taking much for granted.  Very rarely are we reminded of how precious life is as we take it for granted.

In 1994 I was woken by my brothers at 9:00 in the morning and told “grandpa died”.  I asked which one even though I only had one for that one last moment of hope.  He’d had a massive coronary and never even made it to the hospital.

On Monday I dragged myself out of bed like I do every morning and went off to work.  At 9:40 I got a text from my mom saying my aunt wasn’t doing well.  She declined so quickly my mom and uncle called an ambulance less than 30 minutes later.  I heard nothing until my dad took over the texting at 10:34 by letting me know that the ambulance had stopped not far from the house, maybe two minutes away to work on her and another ambulance showed up.  More time passed, a little more than a half hour, and he texted again that she had died.

Later on, talking to my mom, she figures that she actually probably passed away when the ambulance had to stop but they were doing chest compressions when they got her to the hospital.

I was in total shock!  She’d had a cold and had been to the doctor Friday.  He diagnosed her with influenza.  On Monday morning she started with severe shortness of breath.  We will never truly have any answers as the coroner felt comfortable saying that it was complications related to influenza.

I left work at lunch and took the afternoon off going over to my parents’ house to be with my family.  Nobody can wrap their head around what took her and that she’s actually gone.

In a moment, in a breath, our lives can be taken from us.  We take advantage of ourselves.  We have jobs that don’t make us happy and we don’t take the time to be with loved ones or do what it is that make us happiest.

Just the day before, Sunday, I spent the day at home and it was THE BEST day I’ve had in a long time.  It was cold outside but I snuggled under my blanket and watched movies.  I finished editing my health article and actually reviewed a website someone had sent me and found a health magazine to submit to.  I wrote the query letter according to the submission guidelines and sent the email.

I also continued to work on my book or whatever it’s going to turn out to be (don’t know how long it’s going to end up being) and it felt great!  What an awesome day it was.

All I can say is to do what you love and be happy.  In a moment in can be over.  Write, dance, sing or read, watch movies and go the beach.

I’m going to work on it!

My Single Wish

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I sit at work these days and I continue to ask myself what am I doing here?

And all that goes through my mind is my one, single wish (yes, redundant on purpose) is to be at home with a notebook and pen or on my laptop writing, something.

It could be one of the novels I have started; it could be a new novel.

It could be editing my health article about taking control of your health… your body.

It could also be the “whatever” I have started about hysterectomies based on my experience and what “they” don’t tell you but what to expect.

Of course, as per life rules (Murphy’s Law), I would need to be getting paid to do this and that is where I feel trapped!

I am trying so hard to write in my off-time but I’m always so tired that I struggle to come up with a coherent thing to say!

What I really need is to win the lottery!

Sound like a plan?

The Family-Love Edition…

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I soooo wanted to get a post up on Wednesday to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day but I was incredibly overwhelmed.  So a belated Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!

Here, tomorrow, is Family Day.  A stat holiday–one more day I don’t have to spend in the office!  Except that the thorn in my side is actually away this week!  It will be a relief and allow us to get through paperwork that has been piling up.

On the flip side, I had a positive interview experience on Friday!  Unfortunately I couldn’t leave my current position, or at least not yet.  I’m looking at it from the perspective of what’s out there… seems most postings are looking for part-time.  With this I could take one of those and not have to worry about hours!  Even better, I would work partly from home AND she’s interested in my writing and creativity to, I believe, finish off the non-existent website which would be awesome too!  It was very exciting!

I did, however, do some editing!  I sat with the mauve binder I use for my partial projects and finished editing the first 15 pages of the third installment of my Mysteries of the Past series.  I even entered the edits and printed it.  Now I have to keep it going!  Fatigue has been incredibly tough this week for me which isn’t helping.

I also ordered a book that was recommended to me and I’d like to spend more time reading “The Asshole Survival Guide”.  It’s an assessment of what type you may be having issues with and then ways to not let the person get to you.  It’s mostly to protect you emotionally until you can get away.  If you need it, it’s easy to find on Amazon and other bookstores and it’s interesting so far.

I’m about to head off to buy dinner rolls and go for a family dinner… nothing big, just spending time like the weekend was made for!

Owning what I can…

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My life has been insane for over a year as most of you know.

As I try to move out of the fog of the last year I find myself constantly being pulled back in.  When I want to put the pieces back together there’s someone who keeps taking the pieces away from me.

Post-surgically I’m still experiencing pain, numbness, burning, tingling and swelling at the surgical site and I still find I’m exhausted at the end of a day.  I try to rest but it seems the more I say I’m tired the more everyone expects me to give! It’s definitely a different world!

Work is killing me and I’m not just talking fatigue.  I’m talking about if-I-don’t-get-out-of-that-place-soon-I-might-jump-off-a-bridge syndrome.  But I’m not even getting any interviews which is REALLY frustrating!  Am I doing something wrong?

Then there is my writing.  I want to but don’t seem to be able to.  I’m thinking I’m going to HAVE to make another to-do list of some kind and start pushing my brain into it… I keep thinking I should start by editing some of my past work but the fatigue has been so bad I have difficulties focusing, even in the middle of a Saturday.  Perhaps first thing in the morning?  I don’t usually feel too bad at that time.

Other than that I haven’t figured anything else out, yet.  I’m too tired now!

All Clear!

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We are three weeks into 2018 and the entire year has been a big ball of stressful challenges!  I wanted to avoid that.  I wanted the slate to be wiped clean! But I did have to go back to work and that’s where the bulk of my stress is coming from!

On the other hand I have managed to write an article on how to be in control of your health.  It just flowed out which, as you can imagine, was awesome!  The trouble seems to be trying to place what I write.

I am also looking for a new job.  I had an interview last Monday evening and then had to go for a shadow session to see what it is they do.  I thought I’d have to weigh pros and cons because they weren’t going to be able to give me enough hours but they never called me.  I have been trying to put a price tag on my sanity…

What would you do?

I also had my post-op follow-up appointment with the surgeon.  Everything is healing really well.  I had to do some blood work… it turns out that I ended up going through menopause in eight weeks or less… no wonder I have been having issues!  There were no malignant cells on the pathology report!

I think my biggest challenge is that I still tire so quickly but it’s difficult to discern how much of that is from the work stress and how much is coming from being nine weeks post-op and my schedule getting busier as I also started to teach again last Wednesday and will be teaching two classes this semester.

I feel like I have been wracking my brain for something to write; anything to write.  I seem to draw a blank every time I think about it so I’m trying to focus on other things.  I went to Chapters to get some writing magazines and there were none there!  I don’t know if they’re not going to carry them anymore or if it was the changeover and the new ones were about to be shelved.  I might have to subscribe again.

So if anyone knows someone who might be hiring and looking to take a chance on someone who can write just about anything she puts her mind to, let me know!

Happy New Year!

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Every time I even think about a blog post my mind goes blank.  I wish it would go blank where other things are concerned.

I am now 6 1/2 weeks post-op… corrected for 2 weeks of antibiotics I’m somewhere around the 5 week mark since that slows down the healing process.  I thought I would feel great by now and maybe I would feel better had I not had 2 infections.

What is bothering me the most though is returning to work tomorrow.  After everything that has happened with the @** over the last 6 weeks I don’t want to see him and I have no motivation to even be there.  Secondly, I don’t know if I will have the stamina to be there for 8 hours tomorrow.  Those are weighing so heavily on my mind.

I have applied for a number of jobs and have an interview on Wednesday morning.  For this interview I am information gathering for sure.  I’m hoping that there will be an abundance of postings suited for me and/or something I have already applied for works out.

As for 2017, well, I say good riddance!  It brought me so much grief that I’m still working through it all.  2018 is a clean slate for all of us.  I have been reading a book titled Fresh Start.  It talks about visualizing what it is you want.

I have been visualizing myself in a couple of roles because I want to keep my options open!  First, I visualize myself in a different office where my knowledge and abilities are appreciated and it’s a relaxed environment, much like I had.  Second, is visualizing myself working at home on writing.  All kinds of writing… new novel, articles, etc. And they pay the bills!

Most of us don’t like not knowing what’s coming at us and I am very much one of those people.  Sure some people wake up being happy for the day but I want to know what’s around that corner.  I need to know that there’s something else out there that will continue paying the bills for me.

I think I speak for most people when I say that all we want to be is happy in whatever it is we are doing.  Mark Twain said “Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”  I had that before my boss retired.  It’s time to find that again!

Happy New Year to all and may 2018 bring us joy and wonder!