Writer Loneliness…

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

It was a tough day today!  Not only have I had headaches for the last two days but I had to work on top of that with only four patients on the schedule!  Boring! I planned ahead and took my laptop along.

I managed to write almost 1500 words or so and check in with emails and do a tiny bit of research in between everyone until I looked down to the bottom right corner and… guess what?

Battery is low… forehead slap… why didn’t I bring the charger?

So for an hour basically all I did was take the garbage out.  I could have used the laptop at work, which I have before but it doesn’t have Word and then emailing it to myself and copying and pasting messes up font and space settings as well.  Of course I could have written some by hand but I chose to handwrite this instead.

But I realized, again, how lonely it gets being a writer.  You have characters in your head with whom you interact but not always.

Today was one of those lonely days where you realize that no matter where you are sometimes that it’s still lonely and human interaction… real humans… is a necessity!

I bid you all a good weekend and happy writing!  I will be off to the symphony tonight for Piano Men… music of Elton John and Billy Joel and I’m really looking forward to that.

Advertisements

Severely Frustrated!

Yes, two posts in one day!

I am feeling frustrated because my whole body is vibrating with the desire to just get this entire story out onto the page NOW!

I can’t say that in my entire writing career I have felt this way. That I have felt this need to almost vomit a story out of brain!

I can’t write OR type fast enough and every time I take a break my brain goes into overdrive with winding twists and storylines that I, as previously stated, can’t vomit out of my brain!

I don’t even know if I could dictate it at all because of the dialogue. I think much would be lost if I tried to dictate. I think it would be like dictating the next steps as opposed to the story as I want to write it and I would still feel this way.

I have to work tomorrow so I also feel that time is against me as this long weekend comes to a close. Even if I work a day and have the next two days off.

I also need to come up with another Mystery in History storyline. Timeframe is around 1917. It’s hard to focus with the other story thundering around in my head.

I must say it is an incredible feeling needing it to all be out no paper but it’s frustrating that the human mind and body just can’t do it.

5,000 words & totally unappreciated

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday I drove off to the trailer for the first time as the weather was going to be hot but not too stable in the precipitation category… I had a good drive up, we got to the beach, stuck my toes in the warm sand and then in the water… it wasn’t as icy as I thought it would be.  Now I can’t imagine going into the lake like others may have done… passed a group of people quickly heading back to their car carrying a laundry basket of towels and wearing nothing but bathing suits.  YIKES!

We made it back to the trailer and even managed a walk but the dark clouds were already parking themselves over the lake and getting darker with each passing moment.

It did, however, allow me to spend time with my notebook writing!

I had written a portion of a character’s story in another notebook and I had reached the point where I needed to start adding her into my story so there I was going back and forth adding her story while my parents slept and the Blue Jays did their job on TV.

Then the rains started and I ended up driving home in it.  Oh that was fun.  I don’t usually drive too far in that much rain and certainly not at high speeds.

It slowed about 45 minutes into the drive but the wipers were going the entire time.  Of course I was driving a new vehicle so all of what I was feeling was unusual and I had no idea if it was the rain, roads, or the vehicle responding.  Sigh!

I have sat this morning and managed to cross the 5,000 word line!  Of course that’s exciting… it is for every writer every time!

But, well, as I am writing I received a text message that led me  wonder why I do things I do, often for other people, and it goes totally unnoticed?  I did what I did yesterday because another person stated that he was going to do something but then decided to do that today now?  I really need to remember to write some of these things into what I write, or at least the emotion of it.

Feeling pretty lonely today with only my writing as company… I shouldn’t say that… Space is running a Harry Potter marathon so I’m happy to have it on even though it is Order of the Phoenix and Delores Umbridge is grating on my nerves as she always does.  That woman needed to have something HORRIBLE happen to her.

All the best today my friends!

Working it… and sharing some poems

Tags

, , , , , , , ,

What a time it has been!  So I have managed to complete the first serial story… now to submit it, cross my fingers and hope that it’s acceptable!

I am also working on an article for a new business and I submitted an article on telemedicine the other day!  I’m still excited!

The other thing I wanted to share were some poems I had written and submitted to an anthology which, I believe, I had shared back in March.

Unfortunately the poems were not accepted… apparently there were almost 1000 entries so it was tough to choose.

So I’m going to share them here for you, my friends!

First was a Haiku… these don’t get titled

no warning—
saying goodbye
that first kiss

Passion Ignites

Kisses sweet and sensual,
soft, warm, breathtaking.
Kisses deepen to
kisses passionate,
exploring, loving, exciting.
Exploding!
Desire,
bodies on fire.
Passion,
love.
Kisses.

Forbidden…

Arms embrace me,
a welcome hug;
his needs as great as mine.
Fingers brush my cheek.
A gentle push,
an urgent kiss.
Is it right?
Pent up passion,
flames burst at this…
this first kiss.
A forbidden kiss;
a lifetime of kisses.

So there you go!  I’m not the greatest poet in the world but it’s also not what I write regularly so I guess that makes sense!

Mother’s Day Weekend Excitement!

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I almost missed sharing!

My news is exciting & another step in the right direction!

I can only wonder if it takes this long for other writers or just some of us to reach this point… someday I will have to do a survey.

My week was filled, as always, with ups & downs. I had a three hour catch-up lunch with a past co-worker & was probably the most honest I’ve ever been with her. Not saying that I haven’t been in the past but I have always avoided the tougher questions. This time when she asked if I would still be at the family practice if the original doctor was still there I said YES!

But it was also the first time I have ever shared with her my feelings towards nursing & questioning whether I want to continue. I shared with her my passion for writing, which she knew, but had never fully understood before. I explained the newspaper opportunity & how excited I was. I thought she was aware how much writing meant to me but I don’t think she fully got it.

Thursday I found myself at the newspaper office for over two hours as we lined ourselves up on the same page… pun intended… as far as ideas for my serial fiction. So gone, but not forgotten by me (set aside) is my murder mystery. We are viewing tidbits of history in each small community that may or may not involve a mystery. It’s still very exciting. I believe my biggest challenge is not writing historical fiction. I have researched the past; I have referenced the past but I have never written IN the past.

Additionally, I was asked about the potential impact of the telemedicine health cuts announced on Monday so Friday had me writing a quick 400 page article & sending it off on Saturday. The editor thought it was great! I was also asked on Friday if I would write a short intro piece for a new small business.

I have spent a glorious weekend immersed in writing. I wrote the first serial fiction piece but it is 1800 words right now so I need to shorten it a bit.

I am as excited as you think I am.

However, the one drawback is work tomorrow. I will be flustered & frustrated most of the day just seeing patient after patient & wanting desperately to be at home running through the story again.

I want to think I’m getting there! I want to believe I have been the tortoise all along.

I want to think that patience & perseverance pays off but, after all this time, I still feel the need to be cautiously optimistic!

In a mood…

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today I have felt significantly depressed.

Do you ever have days like that?  Come on… we ALL do.  Some days are just far worse than others!

Yesterday was amazing… I wrote more pages of backstory than I think I EVER have and it’s such a strong base for my serial fiction story.

Then I was sitting at work this afternoon and wondering what I was doing there.  I had two no-shows.  I have reached out to all those who haven’t completed their histories and it seems to fall on deaf ears… in the case of email… eyes.

All I keep thinking is how tired I am and how much I need a break… a vacation.  Step back.  Breathe, relax, reboot.  Not that it happens that way.

I’m frustrated because I currently have three jobs, nursing, nursing and teaching.

In addition to that I thought I had a payed writing gig from back in March but have heard nothing since writing one and rewriting five articles for her.  I have also had this offer for the serial fiction which is AMAZING but seems to be THE SLOWEST PROCESS EVER!

So that, my friends, totals FIVE jobs and yet I only seem to benefit from two of them so far.

What do I do?

My writing resume/CV has grown but I still can’t seem to find anything that is satisfactory enough.  In the last two weeks I have applied to three more jobs but seem to not get very far very fast.

I had compared my life some time ago now to a song by Garth Brooks… When You Come Back to Me which was originally from the movie Frequency made in 2001.  The opening lines are:

There’s a ship out on the ocean at the mercy of the sea.
It’s been tossed about, lost and broken and wandering aimlessly.
And God somehow you know that ship is me.
‘Cause there’s a lighthouse, in a harbour shining faithfully…

I feel like that ship.  I feel tossed about, lost and broken.

I don’t know if these are the emotions of a writer or just someone who is feeling lost in almost every aspect of life and career.

On a Roll…

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I have finally managed to successfully get a grip on this serial fiction!  At least I hope so… how can I say those two things in the same line?

Well, I already had my prologue and Chapter one I just finished drafting yesterday.  I just finished Chapter two and have made some extensive notes on where things from the past stand.  No, I’m not revealing that yet.

I have also forwarded the Prologue and Chapter one in their unedited state onto the guys but haven’t heard a thing which is incredibly frustrating because I don’t know if I’m proceeding with the project or not and I’d like to know what they think before I carry on through more of this.

Either way, it’s a project that I’m working on which is great and either way there will be a story at the end!  A new project will be complete no matter what and possibly in shorter time than my usual works!

So what made the difference?  A week ago I was frustrated because I couldn’t get moving.  A week ago I felt like a hamster on a wheel just killing time going in circles.  The difference was stepping away from it all and letting it all percolate in my mind for a while before attempting to write again.

And

it

worked!

Here I am, so far successfully, with something concrete written!  Something that I can print and edit and submit.

They always say that with writer’s block you need to take a step back.  Go do something else whether it’s cleaning out the fridge or stuffing your mouth with a whole pack of gum and taking a walk. All I did was close the book and focused on other things.

It’s like all the pieces started to fall into place.  It’s like a jigsaw puzzle.  You sit and find lots of pieces to fit into the puzzle but then they all start to look the same to you and you have to walk away.  When you go back, all kinds of pieces start to fall into place.

So don’t give up!  Keep working.  Give it a rest; grab that gum and take a walk.  Let your mind rest because in reality it’s still working and sorting and filing all the information you overloaded it with.

Of course this doesn’t mean that I won’t be writing here again in a week in another frustrated state because one of my characters did something I wasn’t expecting which will force me to go back and overhaul everything I have written to this point… in fact, I might have a very small issue with that already.  I think my murder survivor might have been more promiscuous than I first thought… she’s already putting other ideas in my head.

As usual, I will definitely write, write, write and I’ll be back to keep you up to date!

 

GAHHHH!

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

For anyone who is a writer, you probably know exactly what I mean when I holler a GAHHHHHHHH!

I’m stumped, but not in the traditional sense.  I have had so many ideas for this serial I’m supposed to be writing that I can’t get them all sorted out!  I’ve had to resort to dictating into my phone to make notes that have come flooding into my mind at the worst times.

I have lost sleep too.  I was awake from 2:40-after 5:00 this morning.  During that time, at some point (don’t ask which point because I’ve lost track), I managed to end up on my phone typing out what felt like a fair bit of notes on this new project. Okay, I take that back… I just copied and pasted it into an email, sent it to my email, pulled it out and put it into a Word document and it’s more than a page!

Obviously I was busy!  I also added notes twice throughout that time awake.

I think I’m more ready now.  Of course I don’t remember what I all wrote so I will have to re-read but at least the ideas got written down.  I had to remind myself that I can pull away from the original murder story and make up my own… I think that’s been the toughest part… that I’m merely using the original event as a base… a starting point from which to build and to create someone else who was there and has not only kept a secret all these years but who now, of course, doesn’t want that to get out.

I’m loving it… I’m just having too many false starts!

If you have any suggestions feel free to share because I will take all the suggestions I can get on keeping it going!  I’ve already started it… TWICE!

I also need to pick someone’s brain or do some research on shotguns from the 1940s and shell casings.

It’s always wonderful to see what’s in an author’s browser history!  What’s in yours?

I got… The Call…

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

As I was getting ready to zip out yesterday the phone rang.  I was all the way up in my room… there was no chance I was going to catch it before voicemail picked it up.  I knew who it was yet I was going to end up calling back anyway.

So I quickly ran next door and came back excited to see what ideas the guys had come up with for me for their newspaper.  It was surprising but it’s certainly exciting!

The bottom line is they want me to write serials, rather serial,  for the paper!  For those who may not know what that is it is essentially a series that runs paper to paper.  Yes, it can be written as episodes just like your favourite TV shows or it can be written like chapters in a novel from week to week which makes it easier to leave those cliffhangers!  How many TV shows do you know that have To be continued… at the end of each episode… I think that would be harder.  From the quick research I’ve done there isn’t a lot of character change or growth in the episodic version.

Anyway, yes, I would have loved to also written some of the articles and stories but it’s incredibly exciting for me to proceed with this project!

I already have a great idea of where to start so now it’s into some of the planning stages… who and what will my main character be?  Of course she has be to be bright and quirky and fun but also vulnerable.  She also needs a name.  She needs to be nosy and willing to take risks.  Of course it can’t just be her, she needs to work with someone, for someone and someone has to work against her too.  But, seeing as I write what I write, there will probably have to be some romance too!

So my friends, that’s the writing I will be up to for the next while, hopefully interspersed with some articles from my other paid gig!

I want to energetically, but cautiously, say that things are looking up!

I need another cup of tea!

 

Mourning…

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Seven and a half hours ago the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris, France started to burn.  No cause has been determined yet and probably won’t be for some time.

Why do I mourn?

I mourn because I have never been there and now I will never get the opportunity to see it–not in all of it’s original glory.

I have wanted to visit Paris for years.  The desire to go there and try to absorb all of it has only deepened as me, the writer, gets busier.  As me, the romance author, wishes to visit the romance capital of the world!

The fact that I have purchased and read half a dozen novels based in Paris probably tells you something as well!  The DaVinci Code was not a help as it toured the city and some of the beautiful settings around.

I have also acquired a number of items with Paris including the wallet I carry every day.  I fell in love with Paris around the same time I fell in love with Phantom of the Opera and that was before I started writing.

When I saw the first Facebook news post I could only comment NOOOOOO!!!!

Then I watched the news and saw the live footage and it brought tears to my eyes.  I was at my parents’ so they wouldn’t have understood at all why I was crying over something like that unaware of my deepest desire.

Now I’m back home and I can shed tears freely and try to come to terms with the loss of not only a church that is six time zones away in a beautiful city that I’m dying to see but that I haven’t seen it.

It makes me so angry that my entire life revolves around working and that I might NEVER get there.  It frustrates me that everything I have spent my life doing feels so meaningless because I can’t seem to get anywhere!  As I said in a previous post, I have worked 30 years of my life and I’m tired.

One of the things I do that brings me great joy is writing and I want it to take me to all those places physically like I hope I take my readers through my stories.

When I wrote the scene in Changes in Time when they were transported to the Paris Opera House I could only imagine the reality of it based on Phantom and looking at photos and reading some of the history.

So tonight, and probably this week, I will mourn the loss of a great landmark along with how tied down I feel as my Passport ticks louder than biological clock used to!